tracee

Is the Hookup Culture Ruining Dating?

Author Name: Tracee Dunblazier
Publish Date: March 7, 2016
Website Link: https://www.meetmindful.com/is-the-hookup-culture-ruining-dating/

Has the hookup culture redefined dating? Or has dating changed the hookup? No matter what your intimacy goals, we have some suggestions to guide the way.


Is the hookup culture ruining dating?

I actually think it’s the other way around: the dating culture is ruining hookups.

I dated a guy, on and off, for about five years in my 20s. During that time, he lied to me about everything. This guy: lived with his “cousin” (girlfriend), was having sex with my best friend, and was even fellated by our co-worker (40 years his senior) in the parking lot of the mall we both worked in. Of course I didn’t know about any of this at the time. Our relationship was a series of dangled carrots until I finally discovered the root was much deeper.

One night, at a small dinner a friend and her husband had created for us, my date asked me:

“So, have you slept with him?”
“Who?” I asked.
“Your friend’s husband? You seem to get along really well.”
“No.” I replied.
“Why not?” He said.
“For starters, because he’s my friend’s husband!”

I’m not going to lie. I was shocked. All in one brilliant Maury Povitch moment, it occurred to me that if this was his expectation of relationships, what was he doing out there?!

From that moment on, I began to pull my energy away from the relationship to him; soon, all of the truths came flooding out. I was definitely rocked and devastated at the time, but was given an immense opportunity to channel my rage at the betrayal into something productive rather than annihilating him or myself. In that, I was successful.

Today, in hind site, I feel sad for both of us.

The culture we live in sets us up for failure every time. If a woman doesn’t want to marry: she’s slutty. If a man lies: he’s a loser. Harsh, but true. Women fear being perceived as a whore and men fear being perceived as impotent. (Both of these terms, of course, are antiquated and rarely do people use them without a chuckle; but the unspoken truth is no one wants to be seen as unlovable, which is how one feels when they’re called a whore or a loser.)

Let’s take a moment to, for the purposes of this article, define two things: dating and hookups.

Dating is the process of getting to know someone ultimately to move towards an enduring union. Hookups, on the other hand, are getting together for the purposes of sexual interest. And, make no mistake, no matter how well you negotiate, feelings will get hurt on either path. That’s life: embrace it.

Doing one thing but saying another always leads to conflict, and the hookup culture is about being honest.

Let’s all take a deep, monogamous breath and face it. It’s the dating culture and the illusion of monogamy (before two parties are ready) that creates the problem. Our culture has set things up so the majority idea is when a woman wants to sleep with multiple people, she’s a slut and when men do it, they’re impressive. Of course that’s a bunch of malarkey; and all it does is set folks up to be untruthful about their desires and choices with one another.

Now before we go on, I’d like to offer a little bit of a defense as to the purpose of such a long running moral notion.

Spiritually speaking, when two people share in a sexual connection they transfer energy back and forth to one another, possibly unbeknownst to one partner or the other. Some people are better than others when it comes to the ability to transform or metabolize the energy they’ve taken on. So, the fewer connections you have, the clearer you’re able to experience your spiritual truth.

Physically speaking, our DNA requires that we are continually given the message to procreate our species—and rightfully so. At other times in history there were fewer people and multiple cultures that supported the system of one man impregnating several women for the purposes of child baring. Today, however, is not that day or circumstance. In fact, I am certain we will never have the need to populate, en masse, on this planet again.

So, having said all of that: I’d like to make a few suggestions on how to hookup (or date!) properly.

  1. Be who you are from the beginning: there will always be someone to like exactly that.
  2. Take time out to be honest with yourself about your desires: write them out and practice saying them out loud. There will always be someone who wants exactly what you want.
  3. Don’t deny the discomfort you feel from going against the monogamous or free-spirited grain of your particular society. It’s not their life and they don’t matter. The more you embrace the discomfort of being different, the stronger you are in every aspect of your life.
  4. Strive to achieve love in any relationship you participate in. Love yourself completely and love will flow from you.
  5. Don’t fear rejection: Of course, everyone you meet won’t want what you want. But if they don’t want what you have, it’s for certain you won’t find happiness there.

Ready for conscious, like-minded individuals you really want to meet?

Register with MeetMindful for free today—the fastest growing dating site for conscious singles.

About the Author:

Tracee Dunblazier Tracee Dunblazier

Tracee Dunblazier, GC-C, CCDC, spiritual empath, shaman, educator, author and speaker is based in Los Angeles, California. Tracee specializes in grief counseling, energy dynamics, Shamanic healing, past life and soul recovery, transition strategy, addiction transformation, and space clearings. In 2015, Tracee founded GoTracee Publishing LLC and BeASlayer.com to publish a new hybrid of self-help, memoir, and spiritual book to access a wider audience of spiritual seekers. As a multi-sensitive, Tracee blends information that she receives intuitively with different modalities to create a unique healing plan for every client. Every session is focused on freeing the client from their presenting issue to release, empower, and heal – no matter what the condition. Tracee’s compassionate, humorous, down-to-earth style supports and empowers clients as tender topics are addressed during the session. An accomplished author, Tracee has written two books on the topic of personal soul excavation and deep healing from soul to body. Book one: The Demon Slayer’s handbook: A Practical Guide to Mastering Your Inner World addresses inner mental, emotional, and spiritual mastery through self-awareness and spirit guide communication. Book two: The Demon Slayer’s handbook: A Practical Guide to Self- Healing and Unconditional Love empowers cultural awareness and understanding through looking at the concept of past lives and soul imprints. Tracee’s published articles cover many subjects related to spirituality and relationships while her blog breaks down current events and daily energy dynamics that everyone experiences. Tracee’s been a guest on many prominent television and radio programs informing others about spirituality and sacred ritual practices. Tracee teaches workshops, webinars, and offers two online courses on the DailyOm.com. As well as speaking engagements touching on subjects like grief, death & dying, unconditional love, self- acceptance, and healing.

When They’re Interested in You & Someone Else…

Author Name: Tracee Dunblazier
Publish Date: February 15, 2016
Website Link: https://www.meetmindful.com/theyre-interested-in-you/

You’re interested in them, they’re interested in you… if only the story ended there. Here’s how to handle not being the sole object of their affections.


Don’t worry be happy.

In today’s dating culture, don’t be afraid of the truth. When you’re dating someone and they’re also dating another, it has the potential to be unnerving. But the truth is, dating isn’t just a lead in to marriage and family anymore. Many people date for many reasons: some for companionship, connection, loneliness, networking, and sexual interest. However, the biggest unspoken reason to date is for self-realization.

Yes, that’s right. Self-realization.

People who are out there dating multiple people are often looking to find their own hidden truths mirrored in another. Looking to shut down that process for someone before they’re ready doesn’t ever work.

Commitment is cultivated in your relationship to yourself, not in a relationship to a partner. Those who are ready to commit to a monogamous relationship, do. Those who don’t, won’t. So it’s best to allow you and your companion the opportunity to be completely honest without emotional consequences. Otherwise, they will certainly rear their ugly heads down the line in the relationship. Take this opportunity to reset your view point and your purpose for dating with the following tidbits of perspective.

Truth #1: Nobody wants to get hurt.

It’s common for a person who’s been hurt before to easily attach to a partner in a dating relationship. But hoping it’s so, doesn’t make it so. If you’re in an emotional space where it’s difficult for you to date someone who is dating others, that’s okay. Don’t date them: be honest with yourself and truthful with them and if they’re valuable enough to you you’ll find a way to cultivate a friendship that can grow into a stronger romantic connection at a time where you both can get your needs met in the relationship.

Truth #2: The real power-struggle is within you.

Fear of rejection is what’s at play here. Don’t buy into it. A wise friend said to me when posed with the question, “Why is it dating can be so difficult?” Her response made me chuckle a bit. “Because people change their minds.” Bam! She said it. Folks can be fickle, superficial, self-centered, self-serving and flat-out fair-weathered.

And, when and if they are, it’s not about you. They aren’t rejecting you, they just have no need for your value. It doesn’t mean that you don’t have value. The more quickly you move on from someone who doesn’t need, appreciate, or want your value, the better for you.

Truth #3: Tell the truth and negotiate from there.

I’ve seen over and over in relationships with couples whom I have counseled: the less willing a partner is to knowing the truth, the easier it becomes for the other partner to lie. Many people aren’t self-governed, they rely on the boundaries set for them. When you set a boundary that things have to be a specific way and they are not that way for your date, it makes it easier for the person to lie—especially if they like you…and don’t know you well.

I even had a friend who was so stringent with her date in the first three months about everything from, “I only date Leos.” to “I won’t date a man who’s been married or has kids.” And yes, you guessed it. They were living together for four years before it all came crashing down. She found out he was really a Sagittarius and had an ex-wife and three children with whom he would visit daily from nine to five after he lost his job the first year, and those are just the highlights I remember.

Don’t get me wrong: his lies were not her fault. Clearly he had much deeper psychological issues at play. Make no mistake about it: when some people get forced into a corner, they feel ill-equipped to handle they also are ill-equipped to be honest.

Truth #4: Love yourself unconditionally and accept your needs.

When you enter into a new connection with someone, it’s okay to let yourself explore who they are rather than vet for who you want them to be. If you like or are attracted to someone, trust that. Allow the relationship to move at a pace that makes you comfortable.

What that looks like: when you learn something about someone that doesn’t make you comfortable, take some time on your own to process what and why that is. Don’t make a rash decision about inclusion or exclusion from your life. If you’ll allow yourself time and exposure to other people, everything will eventually be put in the needed prospective for you to make a solid informed choice for your highest good.

Truth #5: The grass is always greener until winter comes.

Life transforms through cycles and every relationship has them. You won’t ever be in a relationship with someone you like all of the time. Unless, of course, you like yourself all of the time; and, if that’s the case, I’m certain you don’t need relationship advice. So, please disregard the following: the way through an enduring relationship is to always choose your own goodness. Your love, your compassion, your integrity, your truth, and your honesty. If you will cultivate those five thing’s you will attract and promote them in others. They will be the green lens you’ll need in colder leaner times.

All in all, in spite of our immediate gratification dating culture, our one true goal is to learn to satisfy ourselves—first by what we give ourselves, second from what we receive from others, and ultimately what we give to others. Dating and the process of self-reflection that we experience in communing can give us enormous clarity on how we’re doing.

The rejection, jealousy, unconditional love, conflict, and joy that we feel in the face of dating someone with many love interests is certainly a path to an open heart and more generous spirit. For which, eventually, when you do find a partner that you connect with on many levels, you’re going to be prepared to do what it takes to endure in that relationship no matter the season.

 

 

Ready for conscious, like-minded individuals you really want to meet?

Register with MeetMindful for free today—the fastest growing dating site for conscious singles.

About the Author:

Tracee Dunblazier Tracee Dunblazier

Tracee Dunblazier, GC-C, CCDC, spiritual empath, shaman, educator, author and speaker is based in Los Angeles, California. Tracee specializes in grief counseling, energy dynamics, Shamanic healing, past life and soul recovery, transition strategy, addiction transformation, and space clearings. In 2015, Tracee founded GoTracee Publishing LLC and BeASlayer.com to publish a new hybrid of self-help, memoir, and spiritual book to access a wider audience of spiritual seekers. As a multi-sensitive, Tracee blends information that she receives intuitively with different modalities to create a unique healing plan for every client. Every session is focused on freeing the client from their presenting issue to release, empower, and heal – no matter what the condition. Tracee’s compassionate, humorous, down-to-earth style supports and empowers clients as tender topics are addressed during the session. An accomplished author, Tracee has written two books on the topic of personal soul excavation and deep healing from soul to body. Book one: The Demon Slayer’s handbook: A Practical Guide to Mastering Your Inner World addresses inner mental, emotional, and spiritual mastery through self-awareness and spirit guide communication. Book two: The Demon Slayer’s handbook: A Practical Guide to Self- Healing and Unconditional Love empowers cultural awareness and understanding through looking at the concept of past lives and soul imprints. Tracee’s published articles cover many subjects related to spirituality and relationships while her blog breaks down current events and daily energy dynamics that everyone experiences. Tracee’s been a guest on many prominent television and radio programs informing others about spirituality and sacred ritual practices. Tracee teaches workshops, webinars, and offers two online courses on the DailyOm.com. As well as speaking engagements touching on subjects like grief, death & dying, unconditional love, self- acceptance, and healing.

What Mindful Dating Really Looks Like

Author Name: Tracee Dunblazier
Publish Date: February 22, 2016
Website Link: https://www.meetmindful.com/what-mindful-dating-really-looks-like/

“Mindful” has become a bit of a buzz word these days, so let’s revisit its core meaning. Only then can we apply its magic to engage in mindful dating.


Mindful dating isn’t really a new concept. In fact, I think it’s what most people strive for. Mindfulness is the process of being conscious of your thoughts, feelings, and reactions while allowing them to move through you without resistance. Not attaching action to them, just awareness. Truly, life is: the more you know.

Mindful dating is applying that same awareness to the process of dating and your partner—essentially, being a witness for one another. Now, I think most of us in a heroic attempt for mindfulness, struggle with the one ingredient not included in mindfulness: judgement. Below is a bit of perspective on how it looks and feels to be mindful with yourself and your partner.

Accomplishment

Mindfulness of Thought: It’s good to have issues; great to understand them.

In each one of us is a profound constellation of interacting feelings, thoughts, spiritual and biological patterns, and learned impressions. Paying close enough attention to yourself to recognize your own allows you to witness another’s without judgement.

Application: He’s an unfocused driver after a long day at work. She is not a good passenger any day. He lets her drive after a long day at work.

Determination

Mindfulness of Emotion: Fear and distrust leave as easily as they come.

We fear what we don’t know—and sometimes what we do know. But when you can witness your fear, it becomes a foreign language that you have the opportunity to decode through mastering its message. Embracing your fears in relationships can be peaceful if you let it. Fear is not a premonition of things that won’t work out, it is the presence of pain needing to be transformed through grief.

Application: Her previous relationship was with a man who lied to her about everything. His previous relationship abandoned him without warning. Today, when suspicion creeps in, they talk about what they feel, hold each other and strengthen one another through their grief.

Peace

Mindfulness of Desire: Wanting is good, wanting what you have is magnificent.

Being mindful means you’ve considered the partner you want to have. It also means that you don’t attach yourself to that list: letting the acceptance of what is happening wash over you allowing the understanding and value of what you’re attracting to meet the awareness of your deeper needs that are being met. There is purpose in everything so when you no longer need something it ceases to exist.

Application: He was sure he’d marry a blonde, until he met her. She was sure that money would make her feel safe until she met him. She was the ideal beauty he didn’t know he wanted and she felt safe wrapped in the blanket of his integrity and convictions. Together they create their beautiful and prosperous life together.

Power

Mindfulness of Reaction: Taking action is good; choosing that action is awesome.

Everyone experiences the power of their hormones surging through them at any given time. While life cycles can dictate the power of the surge, self-mastery dictates how we channel it. It is the perception and understanding we have based on our life patterns that drive the impetus for action or reaction. Many times in a relationship, what you perceive is being communicated will have more to do with what you expect to receive than what is being given. The only control you will find is to cultivate acute awareness of yourself, your partner, and the needs that you must fulfill for yourselves. Remembering, what you receive from one another is a bonus.

Application: Every day they breathe in self-awareness and exhale acceptance for one another.

Synergy

Mindfulness of Behavior: Patterns are the building blocks of relationships, especially yours.

Relationships are the result of the combining and intersecting of spiritual life patterns between partners. For every lock, there is a key to open it. Mindfulness is the natural synergy created between people when they accept their differences and begin to understand the purpose and movement of their intertwining connection.

Application: He loves rainy, cold, overcast days and she loves sunny and warm ones: together they have love for all the seasons.

By now I’m certain you’ve gathered the theme of self-responsibility and personal autonomy as the pathway to happiness and harmony through mindfulness.

As a final thought: know that resistance, conflict, and struggle are just as much a part of the process. It is the repression of these dynamics that create discord, not their presence. Letting your thoughts and feelings come…and go, gathering intel all along the route will leave you peaceful, powerful, and partnered.

Ready for conscious, like-minded individuals you really want to meet?

Register with MeetMindful for free today—the fastest growing dating site for conscious singles.

About the Author:

Tracee Dunblazier Tracee Dunblazier

Tracee Dunblazier, GC-C, CCDC, spiritual empath, shaman, educator, author and speaker is based in Los Angeles, California. Tracee specializes in grief counseling, energy dynamics, Shamanic healing, past life and soul recovery, transition strategy, addiction transformation, and space clearings. In 2015, Tracee founded GoTracee Publishing LLC and BeASlayer.com to publish a new hybrid of self-help, memoir, and spiritual book to access a wider audience of spiritual seekers. As a multi-sensitive, Tracee blends information that she receives intuitively with different modalities to create a unique healing plan for every client. Every session is focused on freeing the client from their presenting issue to release, empower, and heal – no matter what the condition. Tracee’s compassionate, humorous, down-to-earth style supports and empowers clients as tender topics are addressed during the session. An accomplished author, Tracee has written two books on the topic of personal soul excavation and deep healing from soul to body. Book one: The Demon Slayer’s handbook: A Practical Guide to Mastering Your Inner World addresses inner mental, emotional, and spiritual mastery through self-awareness and spirit guide communication. Book two: The Demon Slayer’s handbook: A Practical Guide to Self- Healing and Unconditional Love empowers cultural awareness and understanding through looking at the concept of past lives and soul imprints. Tracee’s published articles cover many subjects related to spirituality and relationships while her blog breaks down current events and daily energy dynamics that everyone experiences. Tracee’s been a guest on many prominent television and radio programs informing others about spirituality and sacred ritual practices. Tracee teaches workshops, webinars, and offers two online courses on the DailyOm.com. As well as speaking engagements touching on subjects like grief, death & dying, unconditional love, self- acceptance, and healing.

Dangers of the “Blame Game” (& What Blame Really Reveals)

Author Name: Tracee Dunblazier
Publish Date: February 1, 2016
Website Link: https://www.meetmindful.com/dangers-of-the-blame-game/

When we’re hurt and angry, we want someone to be held accountable for our pain. But, sorry to say, the blame game only hurts us. Of this much, we’re sure. 


The hard and fast truth: personal accountability is sexy. Nobody likes to have the finger pointed at them, especially when the soft and slow truth: everyone who has touched a situation has some connection and accountability towards its cause.

I know that may be hard to believe, especially when suing over spilled coffee and other ridiculous matters are so popular and prevalent. People aren’t looking for accountability; they’re often looking for a payday or to soothe their own guilt in some way. By all means, I know there are careless people and corporations who, if no one ever takes them to account, they won’t be held accountable.

However, in inter-personal relationships, the one playing the blame game will never really find happiness as they won’t ever fully experience their own power, they’re giving it away with the blame to someone else. So, instead of indulging in the game, here’s what you can do when the beast of blame rears its ugly head.

Do Yourself a Favor: Look at the Big Picture

When it comes to putting the blame on one person in a situation, it’s just never true. Every physical world event has a series of choices that were made and created it. Those choices were influenced by many people and experiences. Focusing the blame on one person is only a deterrent to the resolution or completion you’re seeking by pointing your finger in the first place.

Be Kind to Others: Look a little Deeper

Every physical world event has a genealogy. A family history. Every choice was made or influenced by a series of people. Sit down and write out all of the people that touched or influenced the deciding factors resulting in the event in question. Begin with the event itself and the decision makers and then go back in time chronicling everything from why the people involved may have done what they did and the influences on their life. More healing and resolution will come from understanding this history than blame can ever create.

Be True to Yourself: Forgiveness Comes through Grief

Anger and blame are always found hand in hand, they are indelibly linked. While they’re present, the truth will often be obscured. People tend to blame the last person to make a choice in a situation believing they are the cause of the event. An unfortunate position, indeed. 

While having an object of your anger is often satisfying for a little while, the satisfaction doesn’t last, and piecemeal at best—leading to the inevitable sorrow to be revealed underneath. Grief and the expression of that sorrow is the hero in this story. Accept the loss or the change the event created and grieve its passing. Allowing yourself the process of mourning—to consciously change the way you will conduct your new way of life that the event has dictated—is the only way.

I worked with a woman once who caught her husband cheating. She was rightfully angry, but to her own detriment, was stuck in the bitterness and resentment of the betrayal. I did my best to explain to her that her resentment of her husband only hurt her. He’d moved on—and it was that fact that was the most painful to her. She’d been using her resentment to stay connected to him. For the first time, she said, she cried out of sadness instead of self-pity and anger. Her grief cleared the way to the understanding that the man she had married didn’t and couldn’t love her in the way she wanted. From that point on, the divorce went smoothly and she’s now in a relationship that brings her enormous joy.

Now, having gone through the process, she has the opportunity for freedom. Freedom from anger, bitterness, and resentment. But, most importantly, freedom from attachment to the people, places, and things that brought her suffering. Allowing love and forgiveness to easily take their place.

I want to be clear that there is a righteous place for anger to exist and a real purpose for it. Anger is the energy that brings your awareness to things you may not have been aware of previously—sometimes about yourself and sometimes about others. Either way, grief can’t come if there is no real knowledge of what has been lost or the truth; it may have never been present in the first place.

You aren’t served by pointing your anger at another; traditionally, when this happens, the target learns to tune you out and your desire to jolt them into awareness or accountability is not successful. Know that silence spawns the real truth. The quieter you are, the more the other person can become present to the error of their ways if it’s possible for them.

Anger and blame are truth seekers, not healers. If you’ll embrace your soul’s deepest desire to heal, your spirit will lead you through the pain to the freedom and forgiveness of an open heart.

Ready for conscious, like-minded individuals you really want to meet?

Register with MeetMindful for free today—the fastest growing dating site for conscious singles.

About the Author:

Tracee Dunblazier Tracee Dunblazier

Tracee Dunblazier, GC-C, CCDC, spiritual empath, shaman, educator, author and speaker is based in Los Angeles, California. Tracee specializes in grief counseling, energy dynamics, Shamanic healing, past life and soul recovery, transition strategy, addiction transformation, and space clearings. In 2015, Tracee founded GoTracee Publishing LLC and BeASlayer.com to publish a new hybrid of self-help, memoir, and spiritual book to access a wider audience of spiritual seekers. As a multi-sensitive, Tracee blends information that she receives intuitively with different modalities to create a unique healing plan for every client. Every session is focused on freeing the client from their presenting issue to release, empower, and heal – no matter what the condition. Tracee’s compassionate, humorous, down-to-earth style supports and empowers clients as tender topics are addressed during the session. An accomplished author, Tracee has written two books on the topic of personal soul excavation and deep healing from soul to body. Book one: The Demon Slayer’s handbook: A Practical Guide to Mastering Your Inner World addresses inner mental, emotional, and spiritual mastery through self-awareness and spirit guide communication. Book two: The Demon Slayer’s handbook: A Practical Guide to Self- Healing and Unconditional Love empowers cultural awareness and understanding through looking at the concept of past lives and soul imprints. Tracee’s published articles cover many subjects related to spirituality and relationships while her blog breaks down current events and daily energy dynamics that everyone experiences. Tracee’s been a guest on many prominent television and radio programs informing others about spirituality and sacred ritual practices. Tracee teaches workshops, webinars, and offers two online courses on the DailyOm.com. As well as speaking engagements touching on subjects like grief, death & dying, unconditional love, self- acceptance, and healing.

How can I attract people I’m actually attracted to?

Author Name: Tracee Dunblazier
Publish Date: January 18, 2016
Website Link: https://www.meetmindful.com/how-can-i-attract-people/

If you find yourself on yet another date with another person you’re just not attracted to, it might be time to evaluate why (and what to do about it).


They say that you always have the love life you want— and I think they’re right (whoever they are.). Now before you get your undergarments in a ruffle, hold on. This truth means something different for everyone. If you happen to be the one that is lover-less and continues to meet people you are not attracted to: it’s time to take a deeper look.

Don’t be afraid, it can only help. And, I know exactly where to look.

Real attraction comes from three things: trust, connection, and desire. But first, in order to address those elements, we need to look at what your most valued currency is in a relationship. Could it be safety and financial security? Maybe, affection and emotional connection? Or, how about intelligence and wit?

Take a moment and put these in your order of most importance.

You have the love you want because of the currency you choose and what your real desire is. There are a thousand combinations. I worked with someone once whose true currency was affection and emotional connection, but the fear she carried about being poor was stronger. She attracted a very wealthy man who did all the right things in the courtship process, most of them financial. But, as she invested deeper into the relationship because of the apparent financial stability, she found this person wasn’t capable of real emotional stability and connection. Their sexual relationship wasn’t really sustainable, nor the relationship.

When you have the love you like, it’s because your currency and desire match. Or, you’re able to allow yourself to accept and balance your needs with your desires. That leads us to the three golden nuggets of attraction.

Trust

Trust is when, at a core level, you trust your inner source, yourself.

Sexual freedom and complete attraction happens when you aren’t looking for another to fulfill your needs. Seeking a partner based on what you need supports an inner theory that you aren’t able to fulfill your own needs. Therefore, when disappointment comes, and it will, your sexuality and attraction for your partner will be stifled for a time until you adjust your perspective.

Trust also means trusting your potential sexual partner to be the kind of sexual partner that makes you feel comfortable. Consider the partners you’re attracting are exactly what you feel comfortable with and then take an inventory. For example: If you’re attracting partners that are insensitive and harsh, consider that, on some level, that is what makes you comfortable and begin to look at deeper spiritual or emotional patterning as to why?

Connection

Connection happens, sexually, when you are open to another person energetically or emotionally, and are able to allow the vulnerability that is required for an exchange. Vulnerability here means receptivity. You are able to be receptive to your partner’s energy, emotion, or needs.

It’s possible to be open to another’s energy or emotion unconsciously. I had an experience one time: I met this man and our initial attraction was off the charts. I couldn’t sleep for days. The feelings I was having weren’t rational, they were subliminal. Keep in mind that I wasn’t dating this man, we were acquaintances. While we did flirt a little, this attraction went on for months until finally, one day, he posted a photo on social media of himself several years earlier. In the photo, he was standing with his young daughter and looking quite different. He looked exactly like my father when I was a young girl! Yikes! (My father died when I was eleven.) In that moment, everything changed. Now, when he would drift across my mind, the fatherly picture would come up instead of the sexy one I was used to seeing. Whew! I cannot tell you the relief. In that moment, the rational connection and relationship took center stage instead of the subliminal one I had received—which was my childhood and my father.

Desire

Desire is twofold. There is the hormonal desire generated by your procreative instincts. Most women have increased desire when they ovulate and most men can sense a woman’s ovulation cycle. I’ve not noticed it being any different for same-sex partners as for most people awareness of the hormonal cycles are subliminal and people often respond to how a person is responding to them, if they are open.

The second element of desire is connection through resonance. When you witness, overtly or subliminally, a person who represents what you think you need, want, or align with. Who out there has been attracted to the funny one? Only to find out their humor is anchored in some sort of trauma that possibly makes a relationship un-sustainable, as it’s easy to use humor to mask deeper painful feelings. We attract what we think we want or the state or condition we are in, so those are the two questions to ask yourself.

Make no mistake, we are all in a state of flux when it comes to trust, connection, and desire. They are core spiritual, emotional, and physical life lessons that everyone experiences. Know that they are elements to cultivate within yourself, there is no pass/fail here. You can’t break them or do them wrong. You must always stay in the quiet ebb and flow of your awareness and command of them.

Be patient with yourself and look at the subtle information that the Creator gives you about yourself through whom you attract; and, if you find someone you like, try letting yourself be attracted to them.

Ready for conscious, like-minded individuals you really want to meet?

Register with MeetMindful for free today—the fastest growing dating site for conscious singles.

About the Author:

Tracee Dunblazier Tracee Dunblazier

Tracee Dunblazier, GC-C, CCDC, spiritual empath, shaman, educator, author and speaker is based in Los Angeles, California. Tracee specializes in grief counseling, energy dynamics, Shamanic healing, past life and soul recovery, transition strategy, addiction transformation, and space clearings. In 2015, Tracee founded GoTracee Publishing LLC and BeASlayer.com to publish a new hybrid of self-help, memoir, and spiritual book to access a wider audience of spiritual seekers. As a multi-sensitive, Tracee blends information that she receives intuitively with different modalities to create a unique healing plan for every client. Every session is focused on freeing the client from their presenting issue to release, empower, and heal – no matter what the condition. Tracee’s compassionate, humorous, down-to-earth style supports and empowers clients as tender topics are addressed during the session. An accomplished author, Tracee has written two books on the topic of personal soul excavation and deep healing from soul to body. Book one: The Demon Slayer’s handbook: A Practical Guide to Mastering Your Inner World addresses inner mental, emotional, and spiritual mastery through self-awareness and spirit guide communication. Book two: The Demon Slayer’s handbook: A Practical Guide to Self- Healing and Unconditional Love empowers cultural awareness and understanding through looking at the concept of past lives and soul imprints. Tracee’s published articles cover many subjects related to spirituality and relationships while her blog breaks down current events and daily energy dynamics that everyone experiences. Tracee’s been a guest on many prominent television and radio programs informing others about spirituality and sacred ritual practices. Tracee teaches workshops, webinars, and offers two online courses on the DailyOm.com. As well as speaking engagements touching on subjects like grief, death & dying, unconditional love, self- acceptance, and healing.

How to Help Your Partner Heal From Their Ex’s Ways

Author Name: Tracee Dunblazier
Publish Date: December 22, 2015
Website Link: https://www.meetmindful.com/help-your-partner-heal/

We’ve all got baggage, no doubt. But when your honey’s baggage messes with your current relationship, it’s time to help your partner heal. Here’s how.


I saw an elderly lady on the street the other day pushing a cart, I’ll call her “Betty.” On the cart, Betty had at least 50 plastic grocery bags filled with stuff tied all together and then tied to the cart. Betty had taken great care not to overpack any bag so it could sustain the weight it carried. I was really quite impressed with her strategy and organization. I thought to myself, that really is how we all are, carrying our baggage from place to place, relationship to relationship. Some with more bags, some with less. Some bags filled to the gills and others with plenty of room for more.

Now I don’t know, all those bags could have been filled with the cash from her 401k, but I suspect they were filled with only the things that had value to her and in time would be discarded when they were no longer useful or when space was needed to carry new things.

It’s the same way in partnerships: romantic or platonic. And what do you do when your new lover has an extra full cart? We all come with baggage, and frankly, sometimes if one partner has more bags than the other it makes finding common ground difficult. So, how can you help your partner with their inventory?

If your partner barely made it out of their previous relationship with their sanity or worse, and it’s a source of conflict in your new relationship, what do you do? Here are a few things to consider.

Acknowledgement is everything.

In order for someone to heal they must first acknowledge there is something to be healed (or brought into balance). A person can’t fix what they won’t face. The next step is forgiveness. If your partner can’t forgive their previous relationships, they won’t completely trust you. So, the first order of business is for your partner to recognize what the problems were and find forgiveness for them. You can’t do that for them and not a lot can happen until it’s done–– except possibly conflict and struggle.

See both sides.

They say it’s not over till it’s over, and I find it to be true. If your partner still suffers or has strong feelings around their previous relationship you’re entering into the relationship as a third party—specifically, when it comes to the energy and emotion of the relationship. Don’t be jealous, as that third party it’s important for you to truly understand both sides of the dynamic at work. If you don’t know how it was put together, you can’t help your partner take it apart.

Your goal as a supportive partner isn’t to take sides, but to be clear of participating in the same way, and trust me, that can be hard. In a relationship like this it’s important to be willing and able to encourage your partner to talk about what happened and for you to listen to what’s being said and what’s not being said. Most of all, don’t take sides: consider both sides. Put yourself in both positions and consider what you would do, that way you have a clearer understanding of the mechanics. Something that lovers have difficulty with when they’re juggling their own pain.

Don’t buy in.

Make no mistake about it; frustration, anger, control issues, and trust issues all stem from unresolved hurt and pain. Most of the time—especially in a new relationship—it’s not what you’ve done that causes a conflict, it’s what your partner fears you will do based on their experience with others.

Your new partner may overreact one night when you say you’re going out with your friends. A common response is to get pissed off, leave, and deal with the fallout later. I don’t recommend it. It’s much more efficient to address it directly by asking questions.

For example: Your lover doesn’t want you to go out for fear you’ll meet someone else your attracted to, and yes, you might. The issue isn’t who you will meet, it’s what you will do in meeting them. If you are not yet monogamous with your friend, you’ve got to address that. If you are monogamous, they’ve got to find a way to trust you and you’ve got to find a way to be trustworthy. The road goes both ways. It’s necessary to take a risk and be honest even if it means your partner decides they want to go another direction.

Patience of the Buddha.

Always in relationships, there are the bags you see and the ones you don’t see that your partner carries. I wish everyone was as obvious as Betty, but they’re not. If you’ve entered into a relationship with UPS, you’ve got to choose to be smart and patient. If those traits haven’t been your strong suit up until now, you’ve got to be mindful and prepared to choose them.

Asking someone who is still reeling from the conflict and pain of another relationship to be patient is a triumphant thought, but not necessarily realistic. So, if you’re the one with the objectivity, you are the one who holds the responsibility to communicate, set firm boundaries, and love unconditionally.

How many times have you experienced this one: “Hey, you said you’d be here at seven, and now it’s eight and dinner is cold.” Now, you can communicate in a neutral firm tone how you feel or fight about a thousand other things. It’s always important to first get their side of the story with empathy and compassion.

Let’s say in this scenario, this is the second time your lover has shown up late in the first few dates. After going out for a few beers with friends, they lost track of time. In this case you say, “I’m glad that you had a good time and that you value your friends the way you do. Please let me know when you are ready to value me in the same way.” And, you leave. It’s imperative to be able to set a boundary with sincere emotion and then back it up with an action. It’s easy to get angry at not being valued or respected but getting angry never helps. It just allows your partner to make you and your anger the problem. Nine times out of ten, the person just didn’t give it that much thought to begin with. Now you are giving them the opportunity to reflect and consider you differently.

See yourself.

Being able to see another’s problems objectively is always easier than seeing your own. But you can’t help someone else if you haven’t been able to help yourself. If I had a dime for every client who sat disgruntled on my couch going through a breakup, angry that they just spent years of their life preparing their partner to be the love of someone else’s. Whew, that feeling is some tough medicine to swallow. If that’s you currently, you’re in no position to help anyone else. Not even for love.

Love means being ready, willing, and able to see your deepest inner pain or joy and to embrace it head on. Sometimes helping another means letting them witness your vulnerability, your trust, your joy, and your pain. Showing them how it is, instead of telling them how it should be. Most of all, showing up and being fully present, or honest when you are not. Opening your heart from the first date instead of the third, or the tenth. Love while you can and be truthful with the rest.

Ready for conscious, like-minded individuals you really want to meet?

Register with MeetMindful for free today—the fastest growing dating site for conscious singles.

About the Author:

Tracee Dunblazier Tracee Dunblazier

Tracee Dunblazier, GC-C, CCDC, spiritual empath, shaman, educator, author and speaker is based in Los Angeles, California. Tracee specializes in grief counseling, energy dynamics, Shamanic healing, past life and soul recovery, transition strategy, addiction transformation, and space clearings. In 2015, Tracee founded GoTracee Publishing LLC and BeASlayer.com to publish a new hybrid of self-help, memoir, and spiritual book to access a wider audience of spiritual seekers. As a multi-sensitive, Tracee blends information that she receives intuitively with different modalities to create a unique healing plan for every client. Every session is focused on freeing the client from their presenting issue to release, empower, and heal – no matter what the condition. Tracee’s compassionate, humorous, down-to-earth style supports and empowers clients as tender topics are addressed during the session. An accomplished author, Tracee has written two books on the topic of personal soul excavation and deep healing from soul to body. Book one: The Demon Slayer’s handbook: A Practical Guide to Mastering Your Inner World addresses inner mental, emotional, and spiritual mastery through self-awareness and spirit guide communication. Book two: The Demon Slayer’s handbook: A Practical Guide to Self- Healing and Unconditional Love empowers cultural awareness and understanding through looking at the concept of past lives and soul imprints. Tracee’s published articles cover many subjects related to spirituality and relationships while her blog breaks down current events and daily energy dynamics that everyone experiences. Tracee’s been a guest on many prominent television and radio programs informing others about spirituality and sacred ritual practices. Tracee teaches workshops, webinars, and offers two online courses on the DailyOm.com. As well as speaking engagements touching on subjects like grief, death & dying, unconditional love, self- acceptance, and healing.

Why YOU Should Send the First Message

Author Name: Tracee Dunblazier
Publish Date: January 12, 2016
Website Link: https://www.meetmindful.com/you-should-send-the-first-message/

Juuuuuust in case there were any question marks about messaging while online dating, know this: you should send the first message. Yes, YOU.


I have a philosophy regarding connecting with people that you’re interested in online: whoever gets there first says “hello.

Fairly simple and game free. It’s clear that getting to know people in today’s instant gratification culture is unique and unlike any other time. The traditional expectation that the man should contact the woman first, for some people in certain generations, is a real struggle. I’ve had multiple conversations with folks on this very topic. Some women are afraid of being perceived as “too forward” and some men irritable at having to ask, “Why should I have to make the first contact?”

Of course, these antiquated ideals were born of a time when there was no public acknowledgement, acceptance, or understanding of homosexuality or transgenderism. What is true about the old dynamic is that every relationship has an alpha persona, but not necessarily gender related. So, feel free to be who you are! If you’re the one who knows what you want? Go after it!

When you make the connection first, you’re creating an opportunity for the two of you to get to know one another, to establish boundaries, and to recognize your potential partner’s natural temperament. You are not taking any of those things away. Now, let’s take a look at what happens when you do reach out.

Make Someone Happy

Reaching out first shows you are genuinely interested in your potential partner. Who doesn’t want to know or feel that the person they are contemplating making a time investment in, is genuine in their interest? Beginning your relationship with good will certainly brings good fortune.

Create Clarity

One day, I had a conversation with a gentleman on this very subject. He must have gone on a 20-minute rant about why men were expected to always reach out first. He went on to say it made him so angry when a woman reached out, but then just said “Hi.” “I mean, why couldn’t she just ask me a question, why am I the one expected to ask all the questions?” He was none too happy when I questioned him further on his thoughts. The good news here? He’s definitely not the one I wanted to date. A person whose sole focus is the meeting ritual and not the person at hand, I suspect, has much more important things to be focusing on than dating. It’s best to know this upfront, wouldn’t you say?

Reduce the Power Struggle

Every relationship, at least in the beginning, goes through a time of establishing boundaries. Many people experience this as a power struggle. If you’re serious about dating and a long term relationship, this phase has got to be approached with an open heart and a mature mind on the boundaries and battles you’ll choose. If it creates conflict for you or your partner to be the one to say hello first, you’ll never make it to the values that actually count in an enduring human connection. Really, don’t sweat the small stuff.

Face Rejection

If the real issue is you fear rejection, face it. Frankly, if this is you, online dating may not be your format. Dating online is all about the numbers. The more people you connect with, the more opportunity you’ll have to meet someone and embrace a meaningful connection. Somebody’s going to have to hear “no.” It’s also a great way to let go of or work through any issues you may have with sensitivity or attachment. If someone isn’t that into you, it’s best to know it as soon as possible.

All in all, dating is supposed to be the fun part—relaxed, fun, free. So let that be your guide.

Focus on being yourself, authentically. If you’d like to reach out, do it. Take the actions and say the things you’d say to your best friend. Somewhere in that pile of meet-ups is the person who needs exactly who you are today, right now. They need for you to feel safe, secure, and loved by yourself, first. They need for you to embrace and accept yourself. Take a deep breath, write “hello,” and hit send.

 

 

 

Ready for conscious, like-minded individuals you really want to meet?

Register with MeetMindful for free today—the fastest growing dating site for conscious singles.

About the Author:

Tracee Dunblazier Tracee Dunblazier

Tracee Dunblazier, GC-C, CCDC, spiritual empath, shaman, educator, author and speaker is based in Los Angeles, California. Tracee specializes in grief counseling, energy dynamics, Shamanic healing, past life and soul recovery, transition strategy, addiction transformation, and space clearings. In 2015, Tracee founded GoTracee Publishing LLC and BeASlayer.com to publish a new hybrid of self-help, memoir, and spiritual book to access a wider audience of spiritual seekers. As a multi-sensitive, Tracee blends information that she receives intuitively with different modalities to create a unique healing plan for every client. Every session is focused on freeing the client from their presenting issue to release, empower, and heal – no matter what the condition. Tracee’s compassionate, humorous, down-to-earth style supports and empowers clients as tender topics are addressed during the session. An accomplished author, Tracee has written two books on the topic of personal soul excavation and deep healing from soul to body. Book one: The Demon Slayer’s handbook: A Practical Guide to Mastering Your Inner World addresses inner mental, emotional, and spiritual mastery through self-awareness and spirit guide communication. Book two: The Demon Slayer’s handbook: A Practical Guide to Self- Healing and Unconditional Love empowers cultural awareness and understanding through looking at the concept of past lives and soul imprints. Tracee’s published articles cover many subjects related to spirituality and relationships while her blog breaks down current events and daily energy dynamics that everyone experiences. Tracee’s been a guest on many prominent television and radio programs informing others about spirituality and sacred ritual practices. Tracee teaches workshops, webinars, and offers two online courses on the DailyOm.com. As well as speaking engagements touching on subjects like grief, death & dying, unconditional love, self- acceptance, and healing.

Can We Cultivate Sexual Chemistry in a Relationship?

Author Name: Tracee Dunblazier
Publish Date: January 12, 2016
Website Link: https://www.meetmindful.com/cultivate-sexual-chemistry/

We like to think sexual chemistry will happen naturally, complete with fireworks, passion, and sparks. Sometimes, though, we need to help things along.


The answer is a loud resounding yes.

People are sexually attracted to one another for many reasons: because their DNA is compatible (chemistry), they are emotionally open, they perceive power and seek dominance, or maybe they just like each other. Whatever the case may be, if you’ve found someone you really like but the sexual attraction doesn’t seem to be there, don’t fret.

As an empath, I experience a lot of emotion—emotions of my own and those of others. When a person is in an emotional place, what it means is that they are open for giving and receiving energy. This energy flow is centered in the second Chakra (human energy field portal) which governs the sexual organs and where Chi (Universal Life Force) enters the body. Although it appears that a person may be sexually attracted to you, they could just be emotionally open. Conversely, if a person appears interested but not sexually attracted, it could be because they are emotionally shut down.

There are several components to sexual attraction and throughout the life of a relationship they will all be tested, cultivated, expanded, and contracted as is the way of life force. Below are a few things to think about when in the need of some cultivation. But, while you are reflecting on these things, don’t worry: be happy.

Trust

Trust is the number one factor in a balanced loving sexual relationship. There are two kinds of trust: emotional and physical. Emotionally trusting another relies on your ability to trust yourself. To, in the face of your own vulnerability, know that you are safe, whole, and lovable above all things. You must be able to know and love yourself first so that your response to your mate’s possible immaturity or mis-deed is compassion and reestablishing boundaries. On the other side of this?

Being Emotionally Trustworthy

This means when your friend or lover reveals something precious to them that you receive it without judgement and with kindness, sensitivity, and compassion. And, whatever you do, don’t use it in a fight with them later. Of course physical trust is fairly self-explanatory. It means that people need to feel physically safe in order to have all of the other components you’ll see below.

Relaxation

Many folks experience daily stressors and anxieties and while, for some, sex may be a stress reliever, for many it is not. The biggest aphrodisiac in a relationship is kindness and care. Paying attention to your partner’s needs and desires. Listening to them when they speak. Responding to their subtle bids for attention. Helping them get or resolve what they need in order to relax. Understand that sexual interaction happens as a result of many subtle emotional connections over a period of time.

Patience

For the average person, sex won’t happen without patience. I clarify, the average person, as it deems mentioning that there are a lot of extraordinary people out there with sexual proclivities too numerous to mention. But, guaranteed, all of them have their sexual habits rooted in their emotional balance and openness. The way they have been treated and their personal experiences in relationship. Everyone comes with a past and having success in dating and cultivating sexual attraction rely on your ability to be patient, open, and understanding of what someone has gone through before you met them.

Intimacy

Intimacy requires a bit of everything mentioned above in addition to a little love added in. While love doesn’t need to be present for sex to happen, it is a major component of true intimacy. A person who is good to themselves will have the capacity to be good to you and vice versa. Intimacy is connection, comfort, trust, closeness, joy, understanding, and acknowledgement. You cultivate intimacy by doing all of those things.

I’d like to share a story of all the things not to do in an interaction with a prospective date, lover, or mate.

Last week I met a guy on a dating app. He was cute, and appeared smart, funny, successful, and charming. As the instant message conversation continued, evidently he’d used a fake name for his profile (issues with trust). Continuing our conversation, he began to tell me he was non-traditional in dating. That the women he dated, he expected for them to pay their way, otherwise he thought they were weak and selfish. If, for some reason, he decided to pay the check, then he would have sex (not the word he used) with them like the prostitutes they were. At this point, I suggested he had a lot more on his heart than paying the check, and wished him luck.

Of course, I don’t need to point out to you his lack of fitness for dating or cultivation of a rewarding sexual connection. However, if you should run into a person like this, your ability to know and embrace your worth and not allow his/her demeanor to change you, shows yours.

Ready for conscious, like-minded individuals you really want to meet?

Register with MeetMindful for free today—the fastest growing dating site for conscious singles.

About the Author:

Tracee Dunblazier Tracee Dunblazier

Tracee Dunblazier, GC-C, CCDC, spiritual empath, shaman, educator, author and speaker is based in Los Angeles, California. Tracee specializes in grief counseling, energy dynamics, Shamanic healing, past life and soul recovery, transition strategy, addiction transformation, and space clearings. In 2015, Tracee founded GoTracee Publishing LLC and BeASlayer.com to publish a new hybrid of self-help, memoir, and spiritual book to access a wider audience of spiritual seekers. As a multi-sensitive, Tracee blends information that she receives intuitively with different modalities to create a unique healing plan for every client. Every session is focused on freeing the client from their presenting issue to release, empower, and heal – no matter what the condition. Tracee’s compassionate, humorous, down-to-earth style supports and empowers clients as tender topics are addressed during the session. An accomplished author, Tracee has written two books on the topic of personal soul excavation and deep healing from soul to body. Book one: The Demon Slayer’s handbook: A Practical Guide to Mastering Your Inner World addresses inner mental, emotional, and spiritual mastery through self-awareness and spirit guide communication. Book two: The Demon Slayer’s handbook: A Practical Guide to Self- Healing and Unconditional Love empowers cultural awareness and understanding through looking at the concept of past lives and soul imprints. Tracee’s published articles cover many subjects related to spirituality and relationships while her blog breaks down current events and daily energy dynamics that everyone experiences. Tracee’s been a guest on many prominent television and radio programs informing others about spirituality and sacred ritual practices. Tracee teaches workshops, webinars, and offers two online courses on the DailyOm.com. As well as speaking engagements touching on subjects like grief, death & dying, unconditional love, self- acceptance, and healing.

How to Help a Friend Through a Breakup

Author Name: Tracee Dunblazier
Publish Date: December 1, 2015
Website Link: https://www.meetmindful.com/help-a-friend-through-a-breakup/

Watching a friend go through a split isn’t easy; it can be difficult to know how to make yourself available. Here’s how to help a friend through a breakup. 


Let’s face it, break-up’s happen, and the second most popular time of the year for people to break up is two weeks before Christmas. Yes, that’s right. It appears that folks who call it quits at the holidays feel like they’re doing you a favor. They just want to be honest and true to their feelings.

Or, it’s the only comfortable way they know to overcome the relationship pressures of the season. Expectations of expensive gifts, engagements, or possibly: they only intended a summer fling that carried on too long. Whatever the case, for a thinking feeling person, breakup’s can be rough.

All relationships are negotiated and if you begin with a common understanding of what you both want then you can bypass a lot of confusion, misunderstanding, and hard feelings. Unfortunately, there remains the pesky fact that so many people either just don’t know what they want or are too embarrassed or afraid to ask for fear of being rejected. So, those unwanted holiday break-ups just might be inevitable. 

If you or someone you know is working through a break up, here are a few pointers to make the experience a little easier.

Ask what your friend wants or needs from you.

It’s important to ask what your friend wants or needs from you. While in your mind, they may be served well by your expert advice, they may not need or want it. Relationships and the break-up/ grief process that follows is a karmic experience. Meaning, how a person relates to what has happened is usually much more important than the relationship itself. Everyone is attracted to entering into relationships for reasons that are obvious but oftentimes are un-apparent. The relationships we enter into teach us something about ourselves every time and therefore hold immense value.

In order to be an expert in the needs of your friend, it’s imperative that you be able to empathize with the spiritual, mental, emotional, or physical need your friend had in going through this experience and be willing to see it from their prospective rather than your own. So, ask your friend what they need from you and how you can best support them, then take the time to think about what you have to offer.

Be clear about the time and energy you have for listening.

The next step is being truthful with yourself about the time and energy you have to offer someone who is grieving a loss. Grief for the bystander can sometimes be taxing, especially if you don’t understand or can’t align with the break up at hand. It’s easy to judge someone as having made a bad decision by entering into a relationship that you could see the end coming a mile away. As a friend, it’s not your place to judge, criticize or be-little your friend for information you feel they should have had.

If these are the feelings you find yourself having, it’s best to let your friend know that you are unable to help in this situation and then consider if there is any other way you can be supportive. Saying something like, “Hey, I care for you, but I am not the one to be able to listen or talk with you about what happened. What I can do is take you to a movie, help you around the house, or go for a run with you.”

Or, if the truth is, you really just don’t want to be around your friend, then say that. It’s okay to say, “I am having a hard time watching you go through this.”

Don’t feel locked in to helping, but if you do: Think of your friend’s feelings, not your own.

A person who has just experienced rejection and is grieving a loss will do better with your open honesty than passive aggressive avoidance. Their spirit is busy finding the answers to what happened in the relationship they’ve just separated from and don’t need further confusion or loss created by your discomfort. Ultimately, this kind of honesty can only make your friendship stronger.

There is no shame in not being able to support someone how they need to be supported. It is far better to take yourself off the call roster if you’re not going to answer the phone. I have a tendency to run from people who say, “Call me anytime, night or day.” Because the truth is, maybe they’ll answer, or maybe they won’t. When you call they may not be available or in fact, may not want to be available. 

Whatever the case, the emotional skin of someone who is grieving a loss and rejection will be hyper sensitive to any disappointment. It’s best not to set up an expectation that is not possible. If you’d like to extend this offer to a grieving friend. Say something like, “Feel free to call me. And I’ll be sure to get back as soon as I’m able. I really want to speak with you about what you’re going through.”

This way everyone wins. You’ve been honest about availability and your friend knows how much you care.

How to listen and set boundaries.

Everyone knows someone with a new boy or girl friend every month—maybe a friend, colleague or co-worker. With that much relationship negotiation going on, there’s bound to be some fall out. As a friend or confidant to this person, it’s important to be able to set kind yet firm boundaries. When someone is recovering from a major rejection, one that maybe for you, as a witness to their life, seems more like self-sabotage or a consistent unresolved life pattern, it can become tiresome for the person supporting the loss.

This is a delicate situation to say the least. Remember, for the person experiencing the loss, the pain is very real. You, as an outsider, may have some objectivity that your friend does not have, so it’s vital for you to listen with compassion or be kind enough to be honest.

Honesty may entail letting your friend know that you’re unequipped with the time or energy to go through the grief process with them, or that if you do spend the time and energy, you are going to be honest with them on your thoughts and feelings. Most of all that you love them and wish them well. 

Are you a friend or a healer?

A friend listens or says what you want to hear, a healer tells you what you need to hear. There are times in our lives where the circumstances are set up for us to experience a loss completely on our own. It’s truly one of the most amazing experiences to have worked through a loss or problem for yourself. 

When we bring others into our grief, often we are sharing our grief with them. Literally, they share in processing the grief we have. It’s an enormous job to put on someone to help you with your grief, and it is one of the greatest acts of love and trust to take someone’s grief and help them to process it.

If you’re a friend, these are the things you can do to help:

  1. Actively listen and respond with empathy and compassion.
  2. Offer to participate in distracting activities like hiking, shopping, movies, or a visit to the spiritual place of their choice.
  3. Help your friend with their responsibilities; i.e., house cleaning, car maintenance, food preparation, or anything else that may get swept under the rug in times of grief.
  4. Do something thoughtful like; sending funny text messages, sharing funny videos, getting them a card or their favorite candy, or showing up on a lunch break with their favorite: Venti quadruple half caf with organic almond milk, topped with extra soy cream and cinnamon. It’s sure to bring a smile, no matter how fleeting.

If you’re a healer and they want your help:

  1. Listen, digest, reflect, then give your opinion.
  2. If you’ve known them a long time, offer prospective on the part of their journey you’ve witnessed.
  3. Encourage them to treat themselves kindly and with respect. Times like these bring out the inner addict. Whatever you do, don’t criticize, because under no circumstances is it helpful. If your friend has a tendency to self-medicate with anything do your best to be present and offer other options like a spa day or afternoon of golf sans beer.
  4. If your friend does in fact have substance issues that bring you concern, consider where your most value lies. Being involved and invested in the relationship or taking a stand by not participating in the relationship. Ultimately it’s imperative to be honest and your honesty in this circumstance may possibly be the end to your friendship for a period of time. Staying involved and offering consistent, loving, alternate options may be the way to go depending on the severity of the situation.

[image: via shutterstock]

Ready for conscious, like-minded individuals you really want to meet?

Register with MeetMindful for free today—the fastest growing dating site for conscious singles.

About the Author:

Tracee Dunblazier Tracee Dunblazier

Tracee Dunblazier, GC-C, CCDC, spiritual empath, shaman, educator, author and speaker is based in Los Angeles, California. Tracee specializes in grief counseling, energy dynamics, Shamanic healing, past life and soul recovery, transition strategy, addiction transformation, and space clearings. In 2015, Tracee founded GoTracee Publishing LLC and BeASlayer.com to publish a new hybrid of self-help, memoir, and spiritual book to access a wider audience of spiritual seekers. As a multi-sensitive, Tracee blends information that she receives intuitively with different modalities to create a unique healing plan for every client. Every session is focused on freeing the client from their presenting issue to release, empower, and heal – no matter what the condition. Tracee’s compassionate, humorous, down-to-earth style supports and empowers clients as tender topics are addressed during the session. An accomplished author, Tracee has written two books on the topic of personal soul excavation and deep healing from soul to body. Book one: The Demon Slayer’s handbook: A Practical Guide to Mastering Your Inner World addresses inner mental, emotional, and spiritual mastery through self-awareness and spirit guide communication. Book two: The Demon Slayer’s handbook: A Practical Guide to Self- Healing and Unconditional Love empowers cultural awareness and understanding through looking at the concept of past lives and soul imprints. Tracee’s published articles cover many subjects related to spirituality and relationships while her blog breaks down current events and daily energy dynamics that everyone experiences. Tracee’s been a guest on many prominent television and radio programs informing others about spirituality and sacred ritual practices. Tracee teaches workshops, webinars, and offers two online courses on the DailyOm.com. As well as speaking engagements touching on subjects like grief, death & dying, unconditional love, self- acceptance, and healing.

5 Reasons They Might Be Worth a Second Chance

Author Name: Tracee Dunblazier
Publish Date: September 8, 2015
Website Link: https://www.meetmindful.com/they-might-be-worth-a-second-chance/

So your former flame wants a do-over in the love department? Don’t stress. Here are five clues to help you decide if they might be worth a second chance. 


The reasons people come together are sometimes profound and varied—from creating a family together to getting each other through a hard time, or even resolving karmic conflicts. I’ve always been of the mind that everyone deserves a second chance if they have learned and changed from their mistakes. Learning from your mistake means that you acknowledge it and are willing to take responsibility for yourself.

Changing from your mistake is vital. It means that you’ve worked to think, feel, and conduct yourself differently. Even so, it doesn’t always mean that your partnership should continue. 

I’d like to place a disclaimer here: this is my opinion on the matter; not my advice. When it comes to second chances, the choice is yours and yours alone. Others cannot possibly know or understand all of the variables of your deep and abiding goals in your partnership. Just you.

But here are a few things I’ve learned and the five reasons that your love might be worth a second chance.

If your partner left the relationship there is a reason they did. Whether or not they are honest about it, they may want to come back for multiple reasons. It’s my experience that additional time will only bring them back to their original conclusion in a more honest way.

Karmic relationships usually start out strong and passionate and may stop exactly the same way…several times. If this is where you find yourself, your goal is to find peace, kindness, or at very least neutrality by doing what you most need, for yourself. This allows the relationship to form in a new and strengthening manner. Finally, everyone deserves love but sometimes it’s best to love from afar. Some folks just can’t manage being together. Accepting that may be the very reason you came together in the first place.

Considering these bits of information: here are five great reasons to give your love a second chance.

Because they really want it.

Mutual desire for a relationship is essential for longevity. Often times people break up because they don’t feel acknowledged, appreciated, or valued. If this fits your situation: communication is your remedy. But before you say yes, make sure that both of you have spent time reflecting to yourself and communicating to each other what you need. And, whatever you do, don’t say it for them. Sometimes it’s excruciating to confess the deepest parts of your heart, but a second chance requires it.

Because they are honest.

Honesty is a must—honesty to yourself and then your ability to communicate it to others. If your partner has this, they’re a keeper. Everything else in a relationship is negotiated and will take time and compromise. Honesty can take a lifetime to cultivate. So, give it the respect it deserves and reconsider your love.

Because they do what they say.

Finding a partner with follow through is the aphrodisiac to strong intimate love. It means your partner shows love and respect to your needs, but most likely needs to receive it in kind. Some folks don’t feel comfortable emotionally or sexually until they feel safe with their environmental needs being met in the relationship. Emotional intimacy is cultivated through kindness and longevity, so if you’re not a jerk, rest assured… your partner will come around. If they are able to commit to following through with things they are worth the extra time it takes to cultivate intimacy.

Because they have the same values you do.

Remember when your mom told you how important it is to have the same values as your partner and you brushed it off as being not as important as love? Well, if a long term partnership is your goal, shared values are where it’s at. Love is cultivated, but values are given. They come from your spirit or the way you were educated; and people just don’t change them as easily and quickly as they do who they love. It may seem counter intuitive, but understand for a person to change their values—especially late in the game—it requires they betray themselves and very possibly their friends, family, and culture of a lifetime of beliefs. Just to be with you. Desire to do that is one thing, but facilitating and confronting it is another. So if you find someone with whom you share core beliefs, they’re a keeper.

Because they can live without you, but they don’t want to.

Trust me, you want a partner who’s every move doesn’t depend on you. If you find a partner who wants you but can survive alone, they are worthy of your true consideration. I find that sometimes new relationships don‘t continue because a partner doesn’t feel like they are loved and needed, even when the partner says over and over that it’s true. Unless there are other reasons to discount this person, maybe the issue is more about trust than it is the feelings. Again, people express their most heartfelt emotions the safer they feel. If you think they’re worth it, it’s worth the wait.

No matter your circumstance, love and kindness are the ultimate goal. Loving yourself and treating everyone kindly. Let yourself create a relationship with the partner who makes this easy for you.

[image: via shutterstock]

Ready for conscious, like-minded individuals you really want to meet?

Register with MeetMindful for free today—the fastest growing dating site for conscious singles.

About the Author:

Tracee Dunblazier Tracee Dunblazier

Tracee Dunblazier, GC-C, CCDC, spiritual empath, shaman, educator, author and speaker is based in Los Angeles, California. Tracee specializes in grief counseling, energy dynamics, Shamanic healing, past life and soul recovery, transition strategy, addiction transformation, and space clearings. In 2015, Tracee founded GoTracee Publishing LLC and BeASlayer.com to publish a new hybrid of self-help, memoir, and spiritual book to access a wider audience of spiritual seekers. As a multi-sensitive, Tracee blends information that she receives intuitively with different modalities to create a unique healing plan for every client. Every session is focused on freeing the client from their presenting issue to release, empower, and heal – no matter what the condition. Tracee’s compassionate, humorous, down-to-earth style supports and empowers clients as tender topics are addressed during the session. An accomplished author, Tracee has written two books on the topic of personal soul excavation and deep healing from soul to body. Book one: The Demon Slayer’s handbook: A Practical Guide to Mastering Your Inner World addresses inner mental, emotional, and spiritual mastery through self-awareness and spirit guide communication. Book two: The Demon Slayer’s handbook: A Practical Guide to Self- Healing and Unconditional Love empowers cultural awareness and understanding through looking at the concept of past lives and soul imprints. Tracee’s published articles cover many subjects related to spirituality and relationships while her blog breaks down current events and daily energy dynamics that everyone experiences. Tracee’s been a guest on many prominent television and radio programs informing others about spirituality and sacred ritual practices. Tracee teaches workshops, webinars, and offers two online courses on the DailyOm.com. As well as speaking engagements touching on subjects like grief, death & dying, unconditional love, self- acceptance, and healing.

Page 5 of 11« First...34567...10...Last »