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Thanksgiving—For Real

Although I have no interest in celebrating the Puritanical origin of the events that began the ritual day of thanksgiving and feasting. I completely get behind taking the opportunity to reflect on myself, my life, and to cultivate gratitude. I’m not talking about being thankful for every experience of adversity that’s ever happened to pressurize this piece of coal into a diamond—or some New Age bullshit like that…
or for all the amazing things I own, friends I have, or opportunities that come my way—for that matter.

No. I’m speaking about every day I awake upon another breath, to witness the glory of all it means to be human. The process of digging deep into the ancient crevices of my soul, my habits, my emotions, and my heart—excavating what’s there and transforming them with the limitless love of the Creator. Upgrading (loving) myself to the latest model with the most advanced technology possible. (I mean in thought and deed.)

This day of thanksgiving is an opening to recognize all you are and all you’ve done. To grieve what no longer serves you and for the ancestors who could not grieve for themselves—the very act of changing history by soothing its broken heart in this present moment in your life. Owning the sorrow that was created before you were born, making it yours and giving it freedom with your voice. Ameliorating the hatred, ignorance, and fear of all who have come before us by refusing them today.
Four paths to gratitude for your contemplation:

1. Reflect on what is in your heart, and what you need to find peace. (Note to self- if any part of that requires others to change, start over.)

2. Embrace and then challenge those thoughts, ways, and things that promote fear in your life. (Note to self- when you fear others you give your power to them, own your value.)

3. Know that we are all connected, always. (Note to self- unspoken feelings transmit to others—it’s far better to master them by speaking your truth and sharing deliberately.)

4. Choose to educate yourself about the things you don’t know. (Note to self- seeking wisdom, asking for help, and praying for mercy—all free.)

Today, I let light heal my heart and expand my love
Allowing it to guide my thoughts and my words
Helping me to receive love in all its forms
Showing me how to own peace while letting it flow to others.

May you enjoy and embrace this day of reflection and gratitude.

Does Ghosting Make You a Bad Person?

In today’s, immediate-gratification-throw-away-world, ghosting in dating relationships is a popular method of moving on. If you’ve not heard the term──ghosting is when you’re dating or communicating with someone and they disappear abruptly──never to be heard from again…or several months later.
A few years ago, I dated a man for about five months, until he ghosted. Amazingly, he had the audacity to call me about six months later and was surprised I’d taken his number out of my phone nor did I have any interest in a conversation with him. I wasn’t mad──I was clear when we were dating there was no long-term option──but we could have been friends, until that is, he took the cowardly path.

Look, ghoster’s are human too. Everyone has a life and a past. We all know how hard it is to have an uncomfortable conversation (except of course, a ghoster), and it’s important to recognize that when a person doesn’t feel like he/she can have that conversation──there’s always more going on then you know. Here are my top 5 reasons people ghost:

Alternate Relationship– It’s fairly common for an immature person to find other people to connect with when they’re having problems working out their current relationship. Maybe they don’t feel appreciated and need an ego boost, so they find someone else and connect until they get their need met──or the primary relationship gets worked out in some way. Make no mistake about it──going outside your relationship never really helps to resolve the things going on in it.

Previous Experiences– The past two years I’ve had conversations with a few hundred daters and I’d have to say that over half of them had deep attachments and palpable bitterness about a previous romantic experience. When that was the case, there were often misunderstandings in communication that went with it. When your past is ungrieved, it’s easy to feel offended or defensive and misinterpret someone’s meaning.

Sudden Life Change or Loss– Nobody expects the unexpected. The loss of a job, friend, the life of a loved one or pet can send a person reeling into the underworld. It’s common for people to perceive their grief as weakness and resist sharing it with someone new in their life──or run the risk of being rejected in their vulnerable state. These kinds of experiences early in a relationship certainly can make or break it.

Looking for a Voice– Communication skills in our culture are hard-won. It takes a real self-motivated human to cultivate an honest, conscientious, truthful, and kind voice towards themselves and others. The path to getting there requires practicing on someone, or running from it until you can run no more. Ultimately, it’s better to hurt someone’s feelings with your honesty then cloud their spirit with your unexplained absence.

Self-Centered– Some people are just, flat out, self-centered. They literally don’t have any real self-awareness and consideration for their impact on others. There’s not much else to say but that if they’ve ghosted on you──you’re lucky.

No matter the side of the coin you’re on, what do you do? Does ghosting on someone make you a bad person?

Know that any connection you’ve made must be taken apart and left how you found it. When a union is left brusquely, you take something that’s not yours──and you leave a bit of your spirit behind. You’ll need to find completion of the relationship on your own.

Take a few moments of reflection on the person and relationship. What was their impact on you and how did you affect them? Contemplate the gift of the experience──what did it ignite or reveal in you? Grieve and release to whatever extent is necessary. Remember, all relationships are created from spoken and subliminal negotiation──you are always empowered to do right by everyone.

5 Ways to Be A Soul Mate

The truth is that we have many soul mates in a life time. They are people with whom we have previous life experience and spiritual connection. Re-connecting with them is an experience unlike any other. Sometimes it’s an instant emotional reaction when you meet someone—and others, it’s a subtle knowing or familiarity with a person even though you’ve never met.
Soul mates aren’t always fun-loving, happy-go-lucky, live happily ever after experiences for everyone. Most of the time the connection brings two people together to heal a dynamic left incomplete. Not necessarily incomplete between the people coming together— but the attraction of two people with intersecting life patterns.

The spiritual partners we attract, come when we’re ready to transform or develop the spiritual patterns we have in common with them.

Everyone has a soul group. They are the folks—we have connection and affinity—who may appear in our lives just in time to offer support, a lesson, or love us unconditionally. They are the souls who share our eternity.
The several ways we experience soul mate relationships all have one commonality. It takes cultivated unconditional love to be a soul mate. So, no matter the nature of the relationship, meeting a soul mate deserves your attention, respect, and honor. Here are five ways to be a soulmate.
You Can be an Ally: Allies are people we cross paths with, who can stand with us giving loving support and guidance. We may or may not have a lasting relationship, but the connection with them is sturdy. Living in a big city it’s easy to spot your allies, they show up with a word of encouragement and sometimes come out of nowhere. You can be an ally by speaking well of someone, especially when they’re not in your presence.
You Can be a Lover: Lovers are the men and women that come into our lives to give us love and encouragement for a time. We attract lovers that give us emotional nourishment even if we inevitably outgrow the source. The attraction we have with a karmic lover can be intense and usually is evidence of the healing on its way to us through this powerful soul mate relationship.
You Can be an Enemy: Enemies are the karmic relationships that are profoundly vital to our education and learning of the boundaries of the human spirit. They are the soul mates that come into our lives to show us adversity and compassion. Sometimes, we like these people at first, but something doesn’t feel right. Our enemies offer an opportunity to trust our instincts. They don’t appear to have our best interest at heart and require us to, at times, be self-sufficient. In truth: Our enemies show us who we are and who we choose to be.
You Can be Family: Beloveds are the husbands and wives we choose and the families we are born to. These soul mate relationships can be our biggest teachers. Everybody contends with expectations in a relationship but it’s a unique experience to transcend the unconscious expectations of a karmic beloved. Coming together with another based on all the love that was present in the previous life, but not necessarily the way it is now. The intense connection and deep seeded love we share with our beloveds are based in the requirement of a long-term relationship to unveil and express the teaching or healing over time.
You Can be Friends: The good friends we make over a lifetime are often people from our soul group with whom we experience comfort, love, and trust enough to sustain enduring relationships. They’re the ones we can work through conflict and transcend adversity. They are the soul mates who teach us unconditional love, communication—inspire and require us to be better. I’ve had many friendships over my lifetime and the theme they’ve had in common is laughter. It seems to be the ultimate antidote to any confusion, conflict, or disappointment.
The goal of a soul mate relationship is learning to cultivate love on every level. Love unconditional, love with boundaries, and ultimately unshakable love for ourselves. Next time you cross paths with a soul mate—jump in with confidence knowing the greatest outcome is illumination.

Helping Your Partner Through Grief: 5 Things You Need to Know

Being an empath, I make a living through heartache. Yes, sounds like a dream job, I know. Experiencing grief can be anything from uncomfortable to completely debilitating for you and the people you care about. On the upside, anytime you experience heartache, something amazing is happening to you. Your heart, mind, and body are processing out the old information —the loss and how things were— to create space for new information and experiences to come in.
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