Tracee’s Christmas Message: Let Your Chronic Love Reign!

It began with a vision I had yesterday. Good ole St. Nick was going to visit my house and I was going to tell people about it. Hilarious, I thought. This must be a metaphor for something…or certainly Santa Claus was going to make a visit in my dream not in real life. What would he have to tell me? All very interesting consideration as I made my Christmas Chili, intermingled with thoughts of, that’s not going to happen

Shortly after the dog finished my holiday nog, I fell fast asleep. Only to wake up to the sound of jingling bells and the faint sound of the doorbell. I woke up in a haze, and stood in front of the door—motionless. I could see a large figure wearing red, standing in front of the stained glass window. Feeling a little confused and nervous, I just stood there. Finally, I heard a big, Ho Ho Ho, some giggles and a few footsteps walking away from the door. Shaking my head, It must have been carolers, I went back to bed.

I’d forgotten all about it, awakening with no dream or Christmas message. It wasn’t until I opened the front door to a gift from Santa Claus—and the Jr. League…
Now, that forced a loud laugh from me. It was an unwrapped Dungeons & Dragons starter kit and a nice note. Could my vision have come true? Seriously? In the real world?

Frankly, I was used to dreams and visions that were messages of metaphor, guidance from the great beyond. But a Dungeons & Dragons starter kit, what could this mean?

The Message:

Seeing things as they are is the gift that comes from seeing them as you wish them to be.

All of my years as a spiritualist, ninety percent of the messages that have come have been illusions intending to reveal the meaning of imprints carried in the spirit. The clues given to us at birth, connecting with the ones we come upon as thoughts, ideas, feelings, experiences, and events in our lives. Rarely, have the visions been prophetic of real world occurrences. I then considered the flow of the spiritual process and how we don’t first see things as they are, we see them as we wish them to be—from the lenses of our internal images that create our experiences—good, bad, or indifferent.

The journey of how you perceive your world, through all the mountains and valleys (the who’s, what’s, why’s, and how’s of your life on all levels), arriving at your physical reality and being able to see it as it is with an open heart—is the purpose and the reward. Everything is—truly as it should be.

Even when we’re poor or prosperous, angry or joyful, happy or filled with grief—all the temporal mountains and valleys exercising our hearts into a state of chronic openness and love. Today, let the season begin your season of chronic love.

10,000 Blessings to you,

Thanksgiving—For Real

Although I have no interest in celebrating the Puritanical origin of the events that began the ritual day of thanksgiving and feasting. I completely get behind taking the opportunity to reflect on myself, my life, and to cultivate gratitude. I’m not talking about being thankful for every experience of adversity that’s ever happened to pressurize this piece of coal into a diamond—or some New Age bullshit like that…
or for all the amazing things I own, friends I have, or opportunities that come my way—for that matter.

No. I’m speaking about every day I awake upon another breath, to witness the glory of all it means to be human. The process of digging deep into the ancient crevices of my soul, my habits, my emotions, and my heart—excavating what’s there and transforming them with the limitless love of the Creator. Upgrading (loving) myself to the latest model with the most advanced technology possible. (I mean in thought and deed.)

This day of thanksgiving is an opening to recognize all you are and all you’ve done. To grieve what no longer serves you and for the ancestors who could not grieve for themselves—the very act of changing history by soothing its broken heart in this present moment in your life. Owning the sorrow that was created before you were born, making it yours and giving it freedom with your voice. Ameliorating the hatred, ignorance, and fear of all who have come before us by refusing them today.
Four paths to gratitude for your contemplation:

1. Reflect on what is in your heart, and what you need to find peace. (Note to self- if any part of that requires others to change, start over.)

2. Embrace and then challenge those thoughts, ways, and things that promote fear in your life. (Note to self- when you fear others you give your power to them, own your value.)

3. Know that we are all connected, always. (Note to self- unspoken feelings transmit to others—it’s far better to master them by speaking your truth and sharing deliberately.)

4. Choose to educate yourself about the things you don’t know. (Note to self- seeking wisdom, asking for help, and praying for mercy—all free.)

Today, I let light heal my heart and expand my love
Allowing it to guide my thoughts and my words
Helping me to receive love in all its forms
Showing me how to own peace while letting it flow to others.

May you enjoy and embrace this day of reflection and gratitude.

Does Ghosting Make You a Bad Person?

In today’s, immediate-gratification-throw-away-world, ghosting in dating relationships is a popular method of moving on. If you’ve not heard the term──ghosting is when you’re dating or communicating with someone and they disappear abruptly──never to be heard from again…or several months later.
A few years ago, I dated a man for about five months, until he ghosted. Amazingly, he had the audacity to call me about six months later and was surprised I’d taken his number out of my phone nor did I have any interest in a conversation with him. I wasn’t mad──I was clear when we were dating there was no long-term option──but we could have been friends, until that is, he took the cowardly path.

Look, ghoster’s are human too. Everyone has a life and a past. We all know how hard it is to have an uncomfortable conversation (except of course, a ghoster), and it’s important to recognize that when a person doesn’t feel like he/she can have that conversation──there’s always more going on then you know. Here are my top 5 reasons people ghost:

Alternate Relationship– It’s fairly common for an immature person to find other people to connect with when they’re having problems working out their current relationship. Maybe they don’t feel appreciated and need an ego boost, so they find someone else and connect until they get their need met──or the primary relationship gets worked out in some way. Make no mistake about it──going outside your relationship never really helps to resolve the things going on in it.

Previous Experiences– The past two years I’ve had conversations with a few hundred daters and I’d have to say that over half of them had deep attachments and palpable bitterness about a previous romantic experience. When that was the case, there were often misunderstandings in communication that went with it. When your past is ungrieved, it’s easy to feel offended or defensive and misinterpret someone’s meaning.

Sudden Life Change or Loss– Nobody expects the unexpected. The loss of a job, friend, the life of a loved one or pet can send a person reeling into the underworld. It’s common for people to perceive their grief as weakness and resist sharing it with someone new in their life──or run the risk of being rejected in their vulnerable state. These kinds of experiences early in a relationship certainly can make or break it.

Looking for a Voice– Communication skills in our culture are hard-won. It takes a real self-motivated human to cultivate an honest, conscientious, truthful, and kind voice towards themselves and others. The path to getting there requires practicing on someone, or running from it until you can run no more. Ultimately, it’s better to hurt someone’s feelings with your honesty then cloud their spirit with your unexplained absence.

Self-Centered– Some people are just, flat out, self-centered. They literally don’t have any real self-awareness and consideration for their impact on others. There’s not much else to say but that if they’ve ghosted on you──you’re lucky.

No matter the side of the coin you’re on, what do you do? Does ghosting on someone make you a bad person?

Know that any connection you’ve made must be taken apart and left how you found it. When a union is left brusquely, you take something that’s not yours──and you leave a bit of your spirit behind. You’ll need to find completion of the relationship on your own.

Take a few moments of reflection on the person and relationship. What was their impact on you and how did you affect them? Contemplate the gift of the experience──what did it ignite or reveal in you? Grieve and release to whatever extent is necessary. Remember, all relationships are created from spoken and subliminal negotiation──you are always empowered to do right by everyone.

7 Ways to Transform Your Addictive Patterns

“Reality is just a crutch for people who can’t handle drugs.”
― Robin McLaurin Williams

Addiction’s become the buzz word of the twenty-first century, it seems like everyone you meet’s been to rehab. There are so many stereotypical images of addiction we’ve come across: a member of the local homeless crowd or someone who’s strung out on Meth, Crack, Heroin, or Oxy. Maybe an alcoholic that we’re related to, and don’t forget the movie stars. They’ve all been to rehab at least once, or so the media would have you believe. Well, what if those images are just the tip of the iceberg? What if addiction begins somewhere we can’t see?

If you’re in recovery yourself then you know addiction is a multi-faceted condition that impacts everyone: friends, family, co-workers, and the federal government. To whom many indigent addicts turn, to pay for their rehabilitation. The natural image of addiction that’s programmed into our heads of those who suffer from extreme substance abuse, gambling, or porn. The very definition of addiction refers to a behavior in life that has become so out of control that one’s life is no longer manageable.

But what about the rest of us? Changing your outer view of addiction can go a long way in helping to transform the patterns that no longer serve you.

The truth is: those images of life-long addicts really, only account for a low percentage of people who struggle with addictive tendencies. Some studies say approximately 3 out of 4 people will manage their relationship to substances and eventually quit on their own without professional help.

We are all born with the spiritual patterns that can determine addiction. How you deal with those patterns is based on your ability, opportunity, and willingness to do the spiritual, mental, and emotional work necessary to process the underlying grief that generates them. Yes, that’s right, I said grief generates addiction.

“We suffer the most about the things that we have the least awareness of. “
—Master Your Inner World: Embrace Your Power with Joy

Every day, we address multiple layers of our own grief and the grief of others. Grief is layered. It’s our emotional response to loss on any level: mental, emotional, spiritual, or physical. Perceived loss is mental, emotional or spiritual loss. One of the nifty tricks our spirit has of helping us to see ourselves is to attract things to our outer world that most closely identify what personifies our inner world. So, we tend to pay attention to the grief and suffering of others which naturally for a time, compounds our own. This is the automatic repetitive cycle addicts seek to cover up or manage with their addiction of choice. The problem is, anesthetizing the problem only prolongs it.

Here are seven goals to transform your addictive patterns and process your grief:
Let go of thinking others control your life: You are the only one that controls your life. Now, don’t get me wrong— this belief can cause enormous stress and change, but to innovate this thinking will strengthen you in every way. For example, work. Maybe you lost your job and don’t have the skills for the job that’s available to you? That can feel like you’re at the mercy of your community and what they can provide.

The truth is: What’s not available to you isn’t yours for the time. Adjust your focus to asking the question: What’s the best way for me to make money now? Your world will present to you the possibilities and start you on a new path.

Consider that you’ll get more support while being openly independent: Often, feeling isolated and alone is at the helm of addiction. The consistent focus on the need for others or being needed by them. The truth is: We are all one in spirit. Not in body. Each body must learn and be nurtured to do for themselves first, and then to do for others. The more you feel you need help from others is the time to find the courage and strength to get what you need for yourself.

Learn to champion yourself: Standing up for yourself could very well be the most valuable thing you ever learn to do. Victimization is best friends with addiction and your goal is to understand why you feel victimized. Tracing it back to its origin and then feeling the pain it caused. Doing this will empower you to take the actions that will avoid those same original circumstances.

Practice being brave in your communication with others: It’s a natural response to vacate a situation where you don’t know what comes next, but fight or flight is for survival purposes only. Teaching yourself to think through hard feelings and give them voice will ultimately help you communicate your feelings and needs to others. Telling it like it is can be the beginning of your freedom.

Acknowledge anger as a message pointing to an unmet need: The purpose of anger is to bring to the surface unprocessed grief and show what you must learn to give yourself. Most importantly, anger is not permanent. If anger persists, you’re not getting its message. For example: Getting angry because you feel disrespected by others is showing you how you may not be respecting yourself or communicating your needs.

Embrace accountability: What I’ve found in my own spiritual practice and working with clients is being accountable for your thoughts, feelings, and actions—builds trust. Trusting yourself to get all your needs met allows you to attract and nurture relationships not created out of need. There will always be give and take in relationship to others but freeing yourself from the disappointment that need creates is a lot more fun.

“The good news is that when you embrace the process of discovery, your path becomes fun, exhilarating, and—at times—awe-inspiring.”
—Master Your Inner World: Embrace Your Power with Joy