Does Ghosting Make You a Bad Person?

In today’s, immediate-gratification-throw-away-world, ghosting in dating relationships is a popular method of moving on. If you’ve not heard the term──ghosting is when you’re dating or communicating with someone and they disappear abruptly──never to be heard from again…or several months later.
A few years ago, I dated a man for about five months, until he ghosted. Amazingly, he had the audacity to call me about six months later and was surprised I’d taken his number out of my phone nor did I have any interest in a conversation with him. I wasn’t mad──I was clear when we were dating there was no long-term option──but we could have been friends, until that is, he took the cowardly path.

Look, ghoster’s are human too. Everyone has a life and a past. We all know how hard it is to have an uncomfortable conversation (except of course, a ghoster), and it’s important to recognize that when a person doesn’t feel like he/she can have that conversation──there’s always more going on then you know. Here are my top 5 reasons people ghost:

Alternate Relationship– It’s fairly common for an immature person to find other people to connect with when they’re having problems working out their current relationship. Maybe they don’t feel appreciated and need an ego boost, so they find someone else and connect until they get their need met──or the primary relationship gets worked out in some way. Make no mistake about it──going outside your relationship never really helps to resolve the things going on in it.

Previous Experiences– The past two years I’ve had conversations with a few hundred daters and I’d have to say that over half of them had deep attachments and palpable bitterness about a previous romantic experience. When that was the case, there were often misunderstandings in communication that went with it. When your past is ungrieved, it’s easy to feel offended or defensive and misinterpret someone’s meaning.

Sudden Life Change or Loss– Nobody expects the unexpected. The loss of a job, friend, the life of a loved one or pet can send a person reeling into the underworld. It’s common for people to perceive their grief as weakness and resist sharing it with someone new in their life──or run the risk of being rejected in their vulnerable state. These kinds of experiences early in a relationship certainly can make or break it.

Looking for a Voice– Communication skills in our culture are hard-won. It takes a real self-motivated human to cultivate an honest, conscientious, truthful, and kind voice towards themselves and others. The path to getting there requires practicing on someone, or running from it until you can run no more. Ultimately, it’s better to hurt someone’s feelings with your honesty then cloud their spirit with your unexplained absence.

Self-Centered– Some people are just, flat out, self-centered. They literally don’t have any real self-awareness and consideration for their impact on others. There’s not much else to say but that if they’ve ghosted on you──you’re lucky.

No matter the side of the coin you’re on, what do you do? Does ghosting on someone make you a bad person?

Know that any connection you’ve made must be taken apart and left how you found it. When a union is left brusquely, you take something that’s not yours──and you leave a bit of your spirit behind. You’ll need to find completion of the relationship on your own.

Take a few moments of reflection on the person and relationship. What was their impact on you and how did you affect them? Contemplate the gift of the experience──what did it ignite or reveal in you? Grieve and release to whatever extent is necessary. Remember, all relationships are created from spoken and subliminal negotiation──you are always empowered to do right by everyone.

5 Ways to Be A Soul Mate

The truth is that we have many soul mates in a life time. They are people with whom we have previous life experience and spiritual connection. Re-connecting with them is an experience unlike any other. Sometimes it’s an instant emotional reaction when you meet someone—and others, it’s a subtle knowing or familiarity with a person even though you’ve never met.
Soul mates aren’t always fun-loving, happy-go-lucky, live happily ever after experiences for everyone. Most of the time the connection brings two people together to heal a dynamic left incomplete. Not necessarily incomplete between the people coming together— but the attraction of two people with intersecting life patterns.

The spiritual partners we attract, come when we’re ready to transform or develop the spiritual patterns we have in common with them.

Everyone has a soul group. They are the folks—we have connection and affinity—who may appear in our lives just in time to offer support, a lesson, or love us unconditionally. They are the souls who share our eternity.
The several ways we experience soul mate relationships all have one commonality. It takes cultivated unconditional love to be a soul mate. So, no matter the nature of the relationship, meeting a soul mate deserves your attention, respect, and honor. Here are five ways to be a soulmate.
You Can be an Ally: Allies are people we cross paths with, who can stand with us giving loving support and guidance. We may or may not have a lasting relationship, but the connection with them is sturdy. Living in a big city it’s easy to spot your allies, they show up with a word of encouragement and sometimes come out of nowhere. You can be an ally by speaking well of someone, especially when they’re not in your presence.
You Can be a Lover: Lovers are the men and women that come into our lives to give us love and encouragement for a time. We attract lovers that give us emotional nourishment even if we inevitably outgrow the source. The attraction we have with a karmic lover can be intense and usually is evidence of the healing on its way to us through this powerful soul mate relationship.
You Can be an Enemy: Enemies are the karmic relationships that are profoundly vital to our education and learning of the boundaries of the human spirit. They are the soul mates that come into our lives to show us adversity and compassion. Sometimes, we like these people at first, but something doesn’t feel right. Our enemies offer an opportunity to trust our instincts. They don’t appear to have our best interest at heart and require us to, at times, be self-sufficient. In truth: Our enemies show us who we are and who we choose to be.
You Can be Family: Beloveds are the husbands and wives we choose and the families we are born to. These soul mate relationships can be our biggest teachers. Everybody contends with expectations in a relationship but it’s a unique experience to transcend the unconscious expectations of a karmic beloved. Coming together with another based on all the love that was present in the previous life, but not necessarily the way it is now. The intense connection and deep seeded love we share with our beloveds are based in the requirement of a long-term relationship to unveil and express the teaching or healing over time.
You Can be Friends: The good friends we make over a lifetime are often people from our soul group with whom we experience comfort, love, and trust enough to sustain enduring relationships. They’re the ones we can work through conflict and transcend adversity. They are the soul mates who teach us unconditional love, communication—inspire and require us to be better. I’ve had many friendships over my lifetime and the theme they’ve had in common is laughter. It seems to be the ultimate antidote to any confusion, conflict, or disappointment.
The goal of a soul mate relationship is learning to cultivate love on every level. Love unconditional, love with boundaries, and ultimately unshakable love for ourselves. Next time you cross paths with a soul mate—jump in with confidence knowing the greatest outcome is illumination.

Helping Your Partner Through Grief: 5 Things You Need to Know

Being an empath, I make a living through heartache. Yes, sounds like a dream job, I know. Experiencing grief can be anything from uncomfortable to completely debilitating for you and the people you care about. On the upside, anytime you experience heartache, something amazing is happening to you. Your heart, mind, and body are processing out the old information —the loss and how things were— to create space for new information and experiences to come in.
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7 Ways to Transform Your Addictive Patterns

“Reality is just a crutch for people who can’t handle drugs.”
― Robin McLaurin Williams

Addiction’s become the buzz word of the twenty-first century, it seems like everyone you meet’s been to rehab. There are so many stereotypical images of addiction we’ve come across: a member of the local homeless crowd or someone who’s strung out on Meth, Crack, Heroin, or Oxy. Maybe an alcoholic that we’re related to, and don’t forget the movie stars. They’ve all been to rehab at least once, or so the media would have you believe. Well, what if those images are just the tip of the iceberg? What if addiction begins somewhere we can’t see?

If you’re in recovery yourself then you know addiction is a multi-faceted condition that impacts everyone: friends, family, co-workers, and the federal government. To whom many indigent addicts turn, to pay for their rehabilitation. The natural image of addiction that’s programmed into our heads of those who suffer from extreme substance abuse, gambling, or porn. The very definition of addiction refers to a behavior in life that has become so out of control that one’s life is no longer manageable.

But what about the rest of us? Changing your outer view of addiction can go a long way in helping to transform the patterns that no longer serve you.

The truth is: those images of life-long addicts really, only account for a low percentage of people who struggle with addictive tendencies. Some studies say approximately 3 out of 4 people will manage their relationship to substances and eventually quit on their own without professional help.

We are all born with the spiritual patterns that can determine addiction. How you deal with those patterns is based on your ability, opportunity, and willingness to do the spiritual, mental, and emotional work necessary to process the underlying grief that generates them. Yes, that’s right, I said grief generates addiction.

“We suffer the most about the things that we have the least awareness of. “
—Master Your Inner World: Embrace Your Power with Joy

Every day, we address multiple layers of our own grief and the grief of others. Grief is layered. It’s our emotional response to loss on any level: mental, emotional, spiritual, or physical. Perceived loss is mental, emotional or spiritual loss. One of the nifty tricks our spirit has of helping us to see ourselves is to attract things to our outer world that most closely identify what personifies our inner world. So, we tend to pay attention to the grief and suffering of others which naturally for a time, compounds our own. This is the automatic repetitive cycle addicts seek to cover up or manage with their addiction of choice. The problem is, anesthetizing the problem only prolongs it.

Here are seven goals to transform your addictive patterns and process your grief:
Let go of thinking others control your life: You are the only one that controls your life. Now, don’t get me wrong— this belief can cause enormous stress and change, but to innovate this thinking will strengthen you in every way. For example, work. Maybe you lost your job and don’t have the skills for the job that’s available to you? That can feel like you’re at the mercy of your community and what they can provide.

The truth is: What’s not available to you isn’t yours for the time. Adjust your focus to asking the question: What’s the best way for me to make money now? Your world will present to you the possibilities and start you on a new path.

Consider that you’ll get more support while being openly independent: Often, feeling isolated and alone is at the helm of addiction. The consistent focus on the need for others or being needed by them. The truth is: We are all one in spirit. Not in body. Each body must learn and be nurtured to do for themselves first, and then to do for others. The more you feel you need help from others is the time to find the courage and strength to get what you need for yourself.

Learn to champion yourself: Standing up for yourself could very well be the most valuable thing you ever learn to do. Victimization is best friends with addiction and your goal is to understand why you feel victimized. Tracing it back to its origin and then feeling the pain it caused. Doing this will empower you to take the actions that will avoid those same original circumstances.

Practice being brave in your communication with others: It’s a natural response to vacate a situation where you don’t know what comes next, but fight or flight is for survival purposes only. Teaching yourself to think through hard feelings and give them voice will ultimately help you communicate your feelings and needs to others. Telling it like it is can be the beginning of your freedom.

Acknowledge anger as a message pointing to an unmet need: The purpose of anger is to bring to the surface unprocessed grief and show what you must learn to give yourself. Most importantly, anger is not permanent. If anger persists, you’re not getting its message. For example: Getting angry because you feel disrespected by others is showing you how you may not be respecting yourself or communicating your needs.

Embrace accountability: What I’ve found in my own spiritual practice and working with clients is being accountable for your thoughts, feelings, and actions—builds trust. Trusting yourself to get all your needs met allows you to attract and nurture relationships not created out of need. There will always be give and take in relationship to others but freeing yourself from the disappointment that need creates is a lot more fun.

“The good news is that when you embrace the process of discovery, your path becomes fun, exhilarating, and—at times—awe-inspiring.”
—Master Your Inner World: Embrace Your Power with Joy

Feeling “Meh”: What to Do When You’re Bored With Life

Author Name: Tracee Dunblazier
Publish Date: January 8, 2015
Website Link: http://www.meetmindful.com/5-reasons-to-leave-your-relationship/

They say if you’re bored, you’re boring. But we know it’s easy to slid into a seemingly dull routine. If you’re bored with life here’s how to change that.

Well, as my Mother used to always say, “If you’re bored, you’re boring.”

As a child this truth would frustrate me, but as an adult I completely get it–especially when it comes to relationships. No matter how you slice it, being in any kind of relationship with someone takes work and compromise, but in a long term relationship or marriage that’s an understatement.

Keep in mind that the dull times don’t arrive in the first few years… those conflicts are just your issues with compatibility or negotiating the relationship. Now, while the following information can be helpful for both of those, I do want to stress that folks who use the dull times as an excuse for breaking up are just using them as a cover for the real problems that ail them, and that subject is a book not an article. Growing apart in a relationship doesn’t just happen, it is cultivated over time through all of the little choices that we make every day, ultimately based on our own lack of self-awareness.

Bored with Yourself?

Good news! If you are courageous enough to recognize that you are bored with yourself, you have quadrupled your possibilities of getting interesting. At the end of the day, love is not something that you fall in or out of, it is something you choose to do. The way we love another is based on how we witnessed love and how we love ourselves. So, the most important thing you can do is get on the love-yourself train by doing these three things:

1.) Go back in time and write down the top three things you witnessed about love in your first 20 years. Now, decide what should stay and what should go and just cross out or circle them.

2.) List three hobbies you’ve always wanted to take up, choose one, and take the first step.

3.) List three things that you could do for someone else in need either directly or anonymously, choose one and do it. It is my experience that when you are; honest with yourself, kind to yourself, and compassionate of another that the perspective you see life through changes.

POOF–You become more interesting.

Bored with Your Partner?

One of the most common reasons people turn away from each other is unfulfilled expectations. Expectations of what a “good” partner should be or do, how the relationship is negotiated, or what it looks like when someone “loves” you. So, it is always best, as you take your partners inventory, to spend some time looking at why you have the reaction to the things your partner does that you do.

Spiritually speaking, it is the love we give that creates the love response from the universe, not the love we receive.

So, try this: write down the top three things that frustrate you about your partner, then take a moment to sit in contemplation of each thing. Sit, close your eyes and focus on who your partner is and how he or she feels. Now think of the thing they do and experience their feelings about it and see how that affects your perspective. Until there can be common ground and understanding there won’t ever be harmony.

Remember, you are the only person you control and you have full permission to make as many changes as you want. 

PRESTO–your partner is more interesting.

Bored with Sex?

Sexual boredom is usually connected to laziness, which is connected to your emotional connectedness as a couple. Get all the “connecting” that’s at play here? So, connecting is your answer.

First of all, you must get rid of any resentments that you may be harboring for your partner. Sit with them, write out all of your resentments on a piece of paper, in as raw a form as possible, then write at the bottom of the page, “I forgive you, I love you.” Don’t share them at this time, and remember, forgiving someone doesn’t mean that what they did or didn’t do was okay, it just means that you are willing to let go of your suffering about it. Now, sit back to back on a blanket on the floor with one another and focus on your breathing, then focus on theirs, recognizing the rhythm of breath that you have together. It is completely appropriate to get handsy with each other at this point. Of course, we all know that this isn’t the complete answer to all of the profound stressors of our lives, but it sure is a great start.

BAM–sex is interesting again.

Bored with the Day to Day Hum Drum?

If you’re tired of the same old schedule, the same old tired arguments, or are just plain tired, you’re not alone. Our society today offers many stressors, from job security to national and world news. The desire for safety is the core reason we like schedules; we want to feel safe and controlling the few things we can is our attempt at getting it.

Spiritually speaking, opening to the flow of the creator is the answer to feeling safe. The way to do that within your day to day relationship is to do these few things.

1.) You may actually just be tired or unwell, so remedy this first; get on a health regimen, get a massage, and do what you have to in order to have a whole day to sleep in peace and quiet.

2.) Schedule in a surprise every week. It can be big or small and both partners need to take turns doing them. (It could be a few notes written and hidden, a surprise house cleaning, or dinner out.)

3.) Do something nice to appreciate your partner and yourself. My favorite is the gratitude board, a simple blackboard hung where appropriate; a room you share is perfect, and every morning write something that you are grateful for about your partner. Bringing a shift in focus to what you have and taking action towards giving yourself what you need can change everything and give you some interesting things to talk about.

PRESTO CHANG-O–the day to day is fun again.

Bored with Your Relationship?

If you’re bored with your relationship, one or both of you probably hasn’t spent quality time focusing on it, making room for petty negative behaviors to crawl in. I am certain, neither you nor your partner are using your super powers as they were intended. Everyone has them; they could be kind, stable, invigorating, courageous, visionary, consistent, loving, etcetera; but in a negatively focused relationship, they can be quite damaging. So the first step is to stop the damage.

Sit with your partner and write out what you think their top five super powers are. Now, write out the negative values of those super powers; it is probably some of these dynamics that are bringing you down. For example, here are a few traits with their unwanted counter parts; kind: pushover, stable: uninterested, invigorating: irritating, courageous: bullying, visionary: not present, are you getting the rhythm? Chances are that you fell in love with the positive traits and now years and many choices later you are calling out the negatives in each other. Taking time out to remember why you liked each other in the first place and putting some focus on it can go a long way to getting the rhythm you want back in your relationship.

ALA KAZZAM–you are groovin’ again.

Relationships are in the state they are for all sorts of reasons from simple to incredibly traumatic and complex, and while love heals all, it is our choices that fix all. Don’t wait for the bad behaviors to set in to your choices or your relationship; be honest with yourself and others, know that ALL things can change with a little acceptance and forgiveness. Most of all, remember; you are beautiful, you are interesting, and you are powerful.

[image: via TheeErin on flickr]

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About the Author:

Tracee Dunblazier Tracee Dunblazier

Tracee Dunblazier, GC-C, CCDC, spiritual empath, shaman, educator, author and speaker is based in Los Angeles, California. Tracee specializes in grief counseling, energy dynamics, Shamanic healing, past life and soul recovery, transition strategy, addiction transformation, and space clearings. In 2015, Tracee founded GoTracee Publishing LLC and BeASlayer.com to publish a new hybrid of self-help, memoir, and spiritual book to access a wider audience of spiritual seekers. As a multi-sensitive, Tracee blends information that she receives intuitively with different modalities to create a unique healing plan for every client. Every session is focused on freeing the client from their presenting issue to release, empower, and heal – no matter what the condition. Tracee’s compassionate, humorous, down-to-earth style supports and empowers clients as tender topics are addressed during the session. An accomplished author, Tracee has written two books on the topic of personal soul excavation and deep healing from soul to body. Book one: The Demon Slayer’s handbook: A Practical Guide to Mastering Your Inner World addresses inner mental, emotional, and spiritual mastery through self-awareness and spirit guide communication. Book two: The Demon Slayer’s handbook: A Practical Guide to Self- Healing and Unconditional Love empowers cultural awareness and understanding through looking at the concept of past lives and soul imprints. Tracee’s published articles cover many subjects related to spirituality and relationships while her blog breaks down current events and daily energy dynamics that everyone experiences. Tracee’s been a guest on many prominent television and radio programs informing others about spirituality and sacred ritual practices. Tracee teaches workshops, webinars, and offers two online courses on the DailyOm.com. As well as speaking engagements touching on subjects like grief, death & dying, unconditional love, self- acceptance, and healing.

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