I’m Expecting

I'm Expecting

Expect the Unexpected
A lot of folks out there are just plain fearful of responsibility, and it always amazes me. I think of expectations in my life and relationships much how I consider my lungs to breath for me. I wonder if my lungs feel overwhelmed and crowded. Insecure about whether they are breathing deeply enough as to not disappoint me. Or if they had more time, would they breathe more deeply. Relationships are our breath in life. The way we relate to the Creator; is the way we relate to ourselves; is the way we relate to others and to fear the responsibility of my relationship to my Creator, doesn’t occur to me.
The Light of A Loving Universe
No matter if you follow a religion or not you have a relationship with the most expanded part of yourself, the Creator. By nature we nurture that part of ourselves. I am always mindful of what I have, and what I want, and the daily practice of mindfulness it takes to get it. The focus is on keeping the peace in my mind body and spirit, and finally, to be peace. It is natural to expect the Creator to always reinforce my highest sentiment and to always be replenished with the light of a loving universe.
Every Part of My Heart
Every day I get up, I expect my body to work for me. I know that what I put into it, I get out of it. That how I take care of it and nurture it. Is how it takes care of me and nurtures me. That’s not to say that there aren’t days where I indulge my emotions and my spirit over my body, but guaranteed she always lets me know immediately. You see, we speak several times a day. It can get pretty busy in my head and it’s a lot to keep track of. “Hey, Liver, how you doin today? Kidneys? Heart? Ya, Heart, I know you really took one for the team yesterday, it’s ok, I know your sad. Cry it out. Would you like some more fish oils?” I believe that it is the natural expectation of consciousness that we will do all we can to take care of what we have been given, and that if we can’t take care of what we have, it’s best to not get more until we can. I know that when I can master what I have, more will come.
Meaners Not Doers
I believe that our relationships with others are attracted to us based on our alignment with our self and our needs, and then negotiated from there. Expectations are a natural part of any negotiation. If you mean well but don’t do well, then it makes sense that you would attract meaners and not doers. One of my favorite quotes is by Ben Franklin, “Well done is better than well said”. They say that when you truly love you don’t keep score in your relationships. I don’t know, my jury is still out on that. I think it is a part of the natural order to remember the things we like and the things we don’t. Remembering our traumas helps us to survive. Completely grieving our traumas, is different than remembering them. Grieving takes permission, patience, and work. Grieving the loss of power and then mourning; figuring out how you will go about things moving forward. The lowest thing that anyone can ever do to you, is to inspire you to do or be less then you are, and you are the perfect light of the Universe. Ultimately, you are the one that decides. Fighting fire with fire; creates a bigger fire. Today our culture is plagued with many ungrieved social traumas and it is time to give yourself permission to grieve the ones that you own, and let others grieve in their own time. Be who you are and not who others think you are. I expect it.

Longing For Loves Past

Longing For Loves past

Every year at this time, something really amazing happens for me. Actually, it is the first feeling of Autumn; but for me it always comes sometime in July. There is one moment in one day that the world opens up for me. In that moment I can see and feel every experience from my past and all the way through my future. It is like an energetic portal that allows me to see myself and my lives in such objectivity as to feel the sentiment and the love of past friends, lovers, and experiences without the pain of those who are no longer present. This year, as I basked in that moment, I heard the voice of my Grandmother, in her infinite wisdom,” I don’t know why you’d want to think about that… THAT doesn’t bring any comfort at all.” I had to laugh at the truth.

A True Overcomer

That’s not to say that Grandma wasn’t bitter, because she was. As a young woman in the great depression she lost and overcame so much over and over but always found a way to laugh at the harshness that life served up. She had a wicked sense of humor, her desires were simple, and she did not mince words. I am truly grateful to be made of her stock. Over my life time I really didn’t have too much face time with Grandma, but she would always write letters and cards for holidays and birthdays. Telling of the current weather forecast, who she saw that week, and her arthritis pain level. Always including the obligatory $5 dollar bill she would gift each of her grandchildren. I remember the last conversation I had with Grandma. It was about a week before she died, she was almost 98 years old, and I remember it as if it were yesterday. We spoke of life and love and not to take for granted every moment the Creator gifted us … NOT. Again, Grandma was not a sentimental lady, at least from my memory. What we did talk about was dinner. Grandma said, “I don’t know why you kids like to eat at restaurants. All you need is a meat and potato, and maybe some pie.” I have wracked my brain to remember, because I am sure there was no mention of a vegetable, and when I remember I always want to add the vegetable, but she just didn’t say that.

Listen to Your Grandmother She’s always Right

Although it is human to remember as we wish it were, the portal across time, in that one moment, will not allow it. Grandma is definitely kind of right most of the time. Focusing on the past, while serving a valuable purpose in helping us to diminish our attachment and supporting our healing, often times brings no comfort. Especially when you remember it as it was and not how you wish it to be. So this time, I am going to take Grandma’s advice. I am going to take this opportunity to bring the fullness of that moment in time, to empower this very moment in my life. Bringing with it all the love, joy, wisdom, and power that it brings to manifest and embellish the task at hand. Without all those pesky memories. Thanks Grandma.

The Most Amazing Bird In the World

The Most Amazing Bird In the World

Friend of the Animal Kingdom
I love hummingbirds! Everywhere I go I seem to run into them or they come to me. The belief in many native tribes is that we don’t see animals unless they show themselves to us. This has definitely been my experience…as I was driving on a dirt road going through Boynton Canyon in Sedona at high noon. The dirt and rocks were the brightest they would be all day, and frankly, a little glaring; when all of a sudden I felt my foot stepping on the break to slow the car…there… walking across the dirt road about ten feet in front of me was a Tarantula! Almost the same color as the road. All I could think to myself was; how did I see that?! I watched him finish walking to the other side, before moving on to my destination. I then took him home in my mind and studied all about him, and thus began my writing career. Animals can herald new beginnings or endings or just support in whatever way that you need but know that there are no coincidences.
Bringers of Joy
The hummingbird is a representation of our life force in spirit. They are considered the bringers of joy in the animal kingdom. Hummingbirds have an amazing ability to fly in any direction. Definitely helping me to be flexible and open in my ways and with others. Flexibility in my personal life has not always been my strong suit. These precious little birds also have a tremendous amount of resilience and the ability to achieve what seems impossible; traveling as far as 450 miles in 20 hours flying time for the hummers that migrate. These brightly colored birds can also be focused on to help bring lightness and adaptability to your moods. If you find yourself in a phase of ultra-sensitivity, picture a hummingbird in your favorite color. Picture the flower it drinks from and then notice its rapid movements and allow your rigidity to be lifted off of you with every flap of his wings. Most of all, remember you are not alone in your endeavors.
Catch as Catch Can
Several years ago, my cat the little hunter that she is, caught a hummingbird and brought it to me. Sadly it did not make it. So I did a prayer ritual honoring the bird’s life and my gratitude for it. I didn’t say anything to my cat because, really, I thought what are the chances that she could catch another one? Until the next week, she brought another one to my feet. Ah jeez, I thought, I cannot have another one die. So I went into action…calling a friend…asking what to do…making up a batch of sugar water and feeding it to her with a little syringe that fit nicely around her beak. In moments, the little bird went flying from my hand into the corner of the room. AAH! Both the cat and I flew into the corner. I won, capturing the bird after she flew into the window. Now, let’s try the feeding thing again…outside. I got my tools and rushed the bird outside, quickly fed her and boom… within seconds she was flying free. I began to laugh then cry. I promptly had a conversation with the cat. “Hummingbirds are quite an impressive catch for you, I understand, but you can’t kill them. Next time, just do that little growly thing you do when you see one, and we can watch it together. Don’t worry… I know what a good hunter you are and that if you wanted to catch it you could.”

You Are Your Keeper

“May Cause Heart Attack and or Death”

This is one of the many disclaimers in a pharmaceutical commercial for a substance we call medicine. Insert OMG here. While I understand that nothing and no one is perfect or fool proof, at what point in our history did we just give the power of our self care over to the medical profession? Was it about the same time that we started thinking that our spirituality was something to practice on weekends? With all of this hullibalew about health care and who is going to pay, i think it is pretty obvious that we ALL pay in some way because somewhere along the very long line from shamanism to organized religion we lost the holistic concept that our body’s health is dependent on the health of the spirit and adopted the belief that it was someone else’s responsibility to take care of it.

Shaman’s Protocol

Shamanic healing recognizes that when some sort of emotional or physical trauma has taken place at any time in life that is not reconciled, it can become a foundation for disease to thrive, even to the point of changing the DNA. Also, it is accepted that we are multi leveled spiritual beings and often times illness can happen as a result of spiritual intrusion on some level. The cure is a spiritual one; a Shamanic journey to the origin of the intrusion, trauma, or imbalance, to reclaim the personal power that was lost and to release and transform any interloper that may be present. The journey is made by the Shaman on behalf of the suffering one in concert with their spirit guides.

Proof of Light

Today is definitely the coolest day to be alive. Finally, there is research that shows that our energy and emotion changes us on a cellular level and can even change our DNA. We also know that through the study of Epigenetics, “Epigenetics is the study of epigenomes, certain chemicals and switches that instruct the genes…something tells certain genes to kill cancers-or not, that “something” just might be the epigenomes…” (1) Some of the research cited in the book tells us that our environment, in fact, continues to nurture or affect our epigenomes and change the DNA; and that very DNA can be passed down to other generations, hence, the sins of the father… Gregg Braden also preformed a very exciting experiment where they took two samples of the same DNA and separated them, caused changes to one part of the DNA but saw the result on both. Obviously, this is only part of the story, but it’s the gist and Whew…it gives me chills. Finally, there is now proof of light in and around our body and the integral relationship of our spirit to our body through light. The scientific acknowledgement of the light body that surrounds the physical body (aura) and its impact not only on our bio rhythms, but also our cell generation, and that DNA is actually a storage unit for light. It just makes me light up in green!

What The Hell Does All This Mean?

What all of this means is that you have control over your life and your body. The way you think, feel, and treat yourself can activate or disengage ALL of your possibilities. Definitely I am living proof of such truths. Coming from a family of crazy people and cancer havers…well let’s just say things could have been pretty disappointing for me. I’ve turned my crazy into a business and we are still zero on the cancer front. I am not going to lie, at times it has all been a real struggle and most certainly I am very proficient at suffering. I have now made my emotions my friend and know that truly I am alive because I give them freedom. Getting massages frequently, monitoring everything I eat, being vigilantly aware of my body’s signals, disciplined with my supplements, and my thoughts and beliefs are all the ways that I seek and find balance for my mind, body, and spirit. Yes, it is a lot of work…but really…what else is there to do?

Light Prayer

Mother Father God I am grateful for your light in every cell of my body. I know that it makes me who I am today. I am willing to release my old ideas about myself and in return you will fill all of those blank spaces with more of your light. I now call on (your favorite color) light to fill my mind, body, and spirit on all levels. Thank you.

Some Books You Might Enjoy

(1) The Subtle Body-an encyclopedia of your energetic anatomy, by Cyndi Dale

(2) Dynamic Energetic Healing- Integrating Core Shamanic Practices with Energy Psychology Applications and Process Work Principles, by Howard Brocksman, LCSW

(3) Buddha’s Brain- the practical neuroscience of happiness, love, and wisdom, by Rick Hanson, PH.D with Richard Mendius, MD

Go here for a list of books by Gregg Braden, www.greggbraden.com

Winner or Weiner

Sick and Tired

I am really sick and tired about people making these moral judgments about politicians. If a guy wants to send a dic pic every now and again, really, what is the problem? I mean if the best way he knows how to handle his personal relationship with his wife is to share naked pictures of himself with other women, really, what’s the harm? They are consenting adults and that’s just how they roll, right? What does that have to do with politics? It is their personal life and it should remain personal. Is it really about moral judgment? Do we really not want our leaders to send pictures of naked body parts to various people or is it the lies, betrayal, and shame that they feel for themselves and their lack of self mastery. What if the press conference went like this…

Anthony and Huma Give Press Conference
: “Ya, I sent those photos. It’s something I do now and again when I feel stressed or when my wife says something mean. Or, just sometimes when I can’t sleep and I’m bored.”
Huma: “Ya, he can be a real prick sometimes. Whenever we get in a fight he sends naked pictures to other ladies and it makes him feel better. Idiot, ha-ha. Anyway, why are we talking about this? He’s running for Mayor. I thought that was why we were here…”

Acceptance Is the New Guilt
Can we accept our leaders in all of their proclivities if they are upfront and honest about them? If they felt no shame; would it then not become public business? I think that if we want a better society with honest leaders we must start with complete self acceptance. The fantasy that we are any different than the leaders that we vote into office, or that we can separate our personal from professional life is delusional; don’t get me wrong, we all have unique desires and values and certainly deal with our personal temptations differently, but we are whole people. So if we participate in guilt creating situations in our personal life, we will certainly create them in some way in our professional life. Likewise, if we are open, honest, and guiltless in our dealings then possibly our personal lives can remain personal.

Make the Point Already

If I haven’t been clear in my point, then let me do that now. The issue is not about what people like or dislike or what we feel is appropriate for our “leaders”. That is not for me to say and a completely different discussion all together. The issue is the shame we have about being human and the desire we have to hold others to a different standard then we hold ourselves. So, if you want to sext, and it’s in agreement with EVERYONE involved, you don’t have to lie or break the law to do it, then do it, and stop feeling guilty. Likewise, if you don’t want to…then definitely don’t. Either way, I don’t want to know.

Proud Like a Flower

Proud Like a Flower

I wish we could all be proud like a flower. I wonder if flowers think that they are superior to other flowers, if they feel insecure if the others are bigger or brighter in color. I wonder if the small and delicate ones get angry to be pushed out by the weeds. Do they feel sad and isolated or less then other flowers if they are not nurtured by a gardener? Is nature enough for them…to have the privilege of earth, water, and sun?

Or do they take what they can from the soil; and strive every day to feel the Sun? Do they grow to their own potential in the design that the Creator has laid out for them? In quiet comfort of all the other flowers around… and when they have bloomed to their fullest and it is time to give seeds and slowly wither as their season comes to an end.
Do they feel proud?

6 Strategies to Put the Function Back in Dysfunction for the Holiday

Right now it is a uniquely emotional time for all of us in some way. The holidays can have their own difficulties attached so when you’re going to your dysfunctional family gathering, seeing those long lost friends, or are maybe spending this year alone. Here are a few little spiritual tidbits to chew on for the season. Now, hold on to your boot straps and go forth!

What You Put In, Is What You Get Out

Remember that the energy and thoughts you put into the season is exactly what you will take away from it. If you’ve decided to host this year and secretly feel like you always give too much; this doesn’t bode well for you. Consider writing down a positive affirmation;

“Giving brings me joy, and I am thankful to be surrounded by people to receive”.

Self Pity-Not Good

If you find yourself alone this year or aren’t interested in any of the invitations you’ve received, DON’T give in to self-pity. Remember, these days are what you make of them. Take this opportunity to reflect on what really brings you joy. Make a list of 10 of them, and then choose one to make happen. One of my favorite things is a sacred ritual. Something that you do to show your commitment and discipline towards what you want. There is an old Guatemalan ritual for traveling more in the New Year. Take a suitcase and walk around your block on the first of January. The size of the suitcase and the length of the walk is said to determine how much you will travel. At the end of the walk I was laughing so hard I didn’t care where I went, and I certainly no longer felt stuck. Incidentally, I did travel more that year.

Rome Wasn’t Built In a Day

Consider that you won’t be able to undo a life time of ancestral conflict over just one turkey, so let yourself off the hook just for this month. Save your deeply honest comments for another time and focus on kindness. Sometimes the kindest thing you can do is just say hello.

A Little Honey Goes a Long Way

Sit down 24 hours before your family gathering and write out three nice things about everyone attending. Even if all you can come up with is, “Aunt Agatha’s bellowing voice deserves to be on Broadway.” Now of course if you’ve got 100 people coming, just do this for the people who render the highest irritation quotient for you every year.

Moderation: All it’s Cracked Up To Be

Everything in moderation is the name of the game. Nothing adds insult to emotional injury like over indulging in liquor and food. If you drink too much you’ll say something you mean, and eating too much always precipitates rudeness.

Always Another Day To Talk Politics

Everyone knows it’s best not to discuss politics and religion, while trying to make new friends or keeping the peace, but if you know that Uncle Ben just lost his favorite dog, please don’t bring it up at the dinner table. Take him for a spin around the block after dinner or catch him on his way to the bathroom, and offer him your condolences in a swift and gentle manner. If he decides he is comfortable with a full conversation, he’ll let you know.

Ace in Your Pocket

Now here is the Ace in the hole; this is what you keep in your pocket and refer to when the going at the family gathering gets rough. This is meant to be used in extreme cases only, and is definitely not one size fits all. If you are showing up to the same dinner every year that your father gets drunk and tells you what a disappointment you are, be prepared this year. Bring one item of irreverence. To keep in your pocket, hide in your purse, or even put in your shoe; to remind you that the power a person or situation has over you is the power you give it. In this case I might get a small rock and write a note to wrap around it that says, “Those who live in glass houses should not cast the first stone.”One year I put a slice of bologna in my shoe, to remind me that nothing is really as it seems.

Most of all, take deep breathes, keep your humor, and tell yourself you are loved, peaceful, powerful, and gosh darn it…people like you, because you are and somewhere someone does. Happy Holidays!

I Claim Forgiveness

Today, I claim forgiveness. I claim forgiveness for myself and my heart to all those who could not be who I wanted them to be. To those who have shown me anger and unkindness. To those who could not understand me or extend compassion. To those who have shown me malicious violent intent and action or indifference. To all those who could have no understanding of the impact of their actions. For this, I send them back their spirit with love and gratitude for having had the opportunity to know them in such an intimate way, for to see someone’s deepest vulnerability and fear is the path to their heart. I also claim forgiveness for anyone who may still be holding a piece of bitterness for the same from me. I ask for it to be surrendered immediately and the space in which it lived to be filled with gentleness, as it is our gentleness that transforms all things. In this forgiveness I embrace my own responsibility and empowerment to accept people as they are and to accept those parts of myself that cannot change. I own the power to change anything within me that does not allow for this acceptance. I understand that there can be no blame in forgiveness. I claim forgiveness.

Zechariah 3:9, “I will remove the iniquity of that land in one day.”


Photo by Faith Miller

Thank You For Not Being a Quitter

Why is it in our youth, our instinct is if it doesn’t work, cut it off or throw it away, rather than fix it. I remember my Grandfather’s old musty workshop that had the same tools and items he’d had for 40 years. If something stopped working, he would reinvent it or fix it, either way, its life would continue. It’s the same for marriage and relationships in our culture. If one wife doesn’t do what you want, get rid of her. If your husband loses his job, cut him loose. If a tribe in your country doesn’t have the same beliefs, slaughter them. Somehow, I think that those with this philosophy believe that it is one of God’s ordinances.

Being in a powerless state of mind is dangerous and untrue. We have the power or access to it at all times. My Grandfather had an old bath tub in the basement, and by old I mean iron. By the time he was in his early eighties, those basement stairs were getting a little hectic. By this time in his life, all of his kids were gone or moved away. I am not sure exactly what the neighbor situation was but he was on a mission to bring that old tub upstairs and install it and there was no help for him but the Almighty. Don’t you know he created some sort of a pulley system and dragged that big iron bastard upstairs and installed it all by himself…well him and the Almighty.

So is the problem that we have no vision? Or are we a society that has so much that we can afford to cast aside what we perceive we no longer need? The Appendix is a very unique organ. In doing a little research, I found it a little irritating that no one really knows what it is for. We know that it somehow gathers toxins from the rest of the body which is why if it moves into a state of imbalance the doctor’s don’t hesitate to take it out. How is it at this day and age we don’t know its real purpose? I believe that instead of having evolved beyond the need for it that we haven’t evolved into its true purpose. Every few days I have a little conversation with my Appendix. I say. “Thanks buddy, for all your hard work. For keeping my mind, body, and spirit, in balance…and for not giving up.”

Thank you for not being a quitter. In this day and age we are truly rich. We can have anything we want with a little vision and a lot of perseverance. Energy doesn’t run out it changes form over and over again. We already have everything we want in our hands right now, it only needs to be molded into our ever changing vision. So thank you for not giving up on yourself, friends, or family. For not giving up on the mind, body, or spirit of freedom that is within you and from which all you do is innately born. Finally, when it seems that you are stuck and things aren’t moving and it appears that you don’t have enough; please remember that there is only Love about you.

The 8 Most Important Things to Consider this Memorial Day

I think that a person finally learns about living when they accept that the illusion of death is imminent.

I feel that those who have stared death in the face can finally embrace that life is eternal.
I want for everyone who fears dying to know that it’s okay, and it’s not what it seems.

I have gratitude for all who have faced the unimaginable on my behalf, and made courage out of sand.

I can do more everyday to be a peaceful person, and create a peaceful world.

I will face the darkest part of myself on the behalf of another, and turn my fear into liquid Gold.

I thank Love for always winning.

I am

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