love

Sad Eyes

Sad Eyes

I just heard that song from the 70’s,”Sad Eyes”, by Robert John. Part of the lyric in a nutshell is a dude who is having an affair with another woman before his wife comes home from where ever and he’s telling her he can’t see her any more, and he says…”sad eyes…look the other way…I don’t want to see you cry”. Whew, it made me sad. I won’t even get started on the actual crappy situation I will keep my commentary strictly to the, to cry or not to cry part.

Bridging the Gap

Of course it stirred the pot in me. I know there are quite a few of our brothers and sisters on the planet that have a difficult time watching someone cry, so I would like to be of service if I can. I would like to bridge the gap between those of us that cry at everything or at least important things and those of you who have a really uncomfortable time with it. I would like to give a quick tutorial on what to do if someone breaks down in tears in front of you. First of all, let’s discuss the different kinds of criers. In general profoundly empathetic and sensitive people have an enormous amount of compassion. Of course not in every case but for the most part. Usually there is at least one in every family and they have a very important role in their family and on the planet. Highly sensitive people often feel the grief of the planet. There are folks who will help to carry your grief or the grief of other family members. Sometimes there are those who feel the weight of the world on their shoulders. Take the events of 9/11 for example. There were a lot of us that sat around for days after that, immersed in crying and sadness, and then there were others who kept the flow of the community going. Not taking the time to express that kind of emotion.

Emotion Takes Electricity and Gas

Emotion takes an enormous amount of energy and stamina. It also takes the right philosophy to accompany it. Many people don’t cry because they associate it with shame and weakness, others feel that if they give in to it they may never dig themselves out. The truth is if you or someone you know is experiencing grief and sadness but unable to express it, that energy goes somewhere. Most likely to the closest family member or friend who is willing to feel it. Or even someone like me who feels every ones grief. Now that we know; the who, what, and how; let’s organize the options for how to support these highly sensitive compassionate people.

  1. Always look them in the eye. Ignoring them or showing them your discomfort can never help and usually supports the idea that somehow they are broken.
  2. If you don’t know what to do, ask. It is okay with most criers if you admit that you’re not sure what to do and ask. Ultimately it makes them feel better to be acknowledged rather than judged.
  3. Never yell and scream at someone who is experiencing extreme emotion. Not only will it escalate the situation but it will make both of you feel worse.
  4. Hugs are good for some and not for others, but always a good idea. Just ask if it will bring comfort to the one who is grieving. Just a little disclaimer: Usually the crying one will cry harder when hugged.
  5. Sometimes just sitting in silence with a friend is the best medicine.
  6. Always remember that grief is temporary. What you feel now you won’t feel later. So focus on getting through the moment. If you do, it will process more quickly.

A Loving Job

In the times in my life when my grief was the worst, somehow the people around me provided the least comfort, and it always seemed that it shouldn’t be that way. Living in New York City certainly made me durable, but there was a lot of grief. During those times it was often the homeless people on the street that were the only ones who would look me straight in the eye, and ask if I was ok. I always said that I was, and felt great relief and comfort because someone had the courage to look at me and ask. Ultimately someone who suffers doesn’t want you to take their suffering, they just want you to be nice, kind, and honest, and they definitely don’t want to have to help you deal with the fact that they suffer. That is your job…and a loving one should you decide to embrace it.

Television Is the New Daniel

Television Is the New Daniel

Television Is the New Daniel
I love the television shows from the70’s and 80’s. This morning I woke up to an episode of Highway to Heaven, the old show starring Michael Landen. Going there takes me all the way back to my first decade on the planet. I had such a crush on Patrick Duffy in The Man from Atlantis, and Lee Majors in The Six Million Dollar Man that I would go to bed early just so I could dream about marrying them. Not both of course, but either one was suitable. Something about those shows created a space for my young mind to fantasize and imagine what a world would be like where they could replace body parts with electronic ones, angels came in human form, and the story of Atlantis was no longer a mystery.
Utopia
Living in the future is not as interesting as fantasizing about it. In those old shows the idea was that the more we understood how much power we have and what we could accomplish, the more peaceful we would get. Ultimately living in a utopia where we all coexisted in joy and acceptance side by side. Another fascinating morsel about those shows is how slow they were by comparison to today’s line up. Dialogue centric and plenty of pauses that gave the viewer time to empathize with the characters. Now so much content on the airwaves is reality based and fast moving that our brains now enjoy and need the drone in the back ground. I even know people who actually watch two shows simultaneously so that boredom doesn’t set in. It is amazing to think that so much of what was prophesied in those shows has come true. A Bionic man is common place.
The Insatiable Human Spirit
Evidently conflict, struggle, and suffering are really more interesting than peacefulness will ever be. From the looks of our culture, it seems the general consensus. The wars keep getting bigger. The crimes more brutal, the pundits meaner, the greedy are definitely greedier. We all talk about a million dollars like it is easily within reach. So, really what’s the problem? None of these things are ever going to satisfy us. I guess it will be when we are willing to endure the boredom of self-acceptance and contentment, and we don’t care what other people think. Maybe that’s when peace will set in.

I’m Expecting

I'm Expecting

Expect the Unexpected
A lot of folks out there are just plain fearful of responsibility, and it always amazes me. I think of expectations in my life and relationships much how I consider my lungs to breath for me. I wonder if my lungs feel overwhelmed and crowded. Insecure about whether they are breathing deeply enough as to not disappoint me. Or if they had more time, would they breathe more deeply. Relationships are our breath in life. The way we relate to the Creator; is the way we relate to ourselves; is the way we relate to others and to fear the responsibility of my relationship to my Creator, doesn’t occur to me.
The Light of A Loving Universe
No matter if you follow a religion or not you have a relationship with the most expanded part of yourself, the Creator. By nature we nurture that part of ourselves. I am always mindful of what I have, and what I want, and the daily practice of mindfulness it takes to get it. The focus is on keeping the peace in my mind body and spirit, and finally, to be peace. It is natural to expect the Creator to always reinforce my highest sentiment and to always be replenished with the light of a loving universe.
Every Part of My Heart
Every day I get up, I expect my body to work for me. I know that what I put into it, I get out of it. That how I take care of it and nurture it. Is how it takes care of me and nurtures me. That’s not to say that there aren’t days where I indulge my emotions and my spirit over my body, but guaranteed she always lets me know immediately. You see, we speak several times a day. It can get pretty busy in my head and it’s a lot to keep track of. “Hey, Liver, how you doin today? Kidneys? Heart? Ya, Heart, I know you really took one for the team yesterday, it’s ok, I know your sad. Cry it out. Would you like some more fish oils?” I believe that it is the natural expectation of consciousness that we will do all we can to take care of what we have been given, and that if we can’t take care of what we have, it’s best to not get more until we can. I know that when I can master what I have, more will come.
Meaners Not Doers
I believe that our relationships with others are attracted to us based on our alignment with our self and our needs, and then negotiated from there. Expectations are a natural part of any negotiation. If you mean well but don’t do well, then it makes sense that you would attract meaners and not doers. One of my favorite quotes is by Ben Franklin, “Well done is better than well said”. They say that when you truly love you don’t keep score in your relationships. I don’t know, my jury is still out on that. I think it is a part of the natural order to remember the things we like and the things we don’t. Remembering our traumas helps us to survive. Completely grieving our traumas, is different than remembering them. Grieving takes permission, patience, and work. Grieving the loss of power and then mourning; figuring out how you will go about things moving forward. The lowest thing that anyone can ever do to you, is to inspire you to do or be less then you are, and you are the perfect light of the Universe. Ultimately, you are the one that decides. Fighting fire with fire; creates a bigger fire. Today our culture is plagued with many ungrieved social traumas and it is time to give yourself permission to grieve the ones that you own, and let others grieve in their own time. Be who you are and not who others think you are. I expect it.

Longing For Loves Past

Longing For Loves past

Every year at this time, something really amazing happens for me. Actually, it is the first feeling of Autumn; but for me it always comes sometime in July. There is one moment in one day that the world opens up for me. In that moment I can see and feel every experience from my past and all the way through my future. It is like an energetic portal that allows me to see myself and my lives in such objectivity as to feel the sentiment and the love of past friends, lovers, and experiences without the pain of those who are no longer present. This year, as I basked in that moment, I heard the voice of my Grandmother, in her infinite wisdom,” I don’t know why you’d want to think about that… THAT doesn’t bring any comfort at all.” I had to laugh at the truth.

A True Overcomer

That’s not to say that Grandma wasn’t bitter, because she was. As a young woman in the great depression she lost and overcame so much over and over but always found a way to laugh at the harshness that life served up. She had a wicked sense of humor, her desires were simple, and she did not mince words. I am truly grateful to be made of her stock. Over my life time I really didn’t have too much face time with Grandma, but she would always write letters and cards for holidays and birthdays. Telling of the current weather forecast, who she saw that week, and her arthritis pain level. Always including the obligatory $5 dollar bill she would gift each of her grandchildren. I remember the last conversation I had with Grandma. It was about a week before she died, she was almost 98 years old, and I remember it as if it were yesterday. We spoke of life and love and not to take for granted every moment the Creator gifted us … NOT. Again, Grandma was not a sentimental lady, at least from my memory. What we did talk about was dinner. Grandma said, “I don’t know why you kids like to eat at restaurants. All you need is a meat and potato, and maybe some pie.” I have wracked my brain to remember, because I am sure there was no mention of a vegetable, and when I remember I always want to add the vegetable, but she just didn’t say that.

Listen to Your Grandmother She’s always Right

Although it is human to remember as we wish it were, the portal across time, in that one moment, will not allow it. Grandma is definitely kind of right most of the time. Focusing on the past, while serving a valuable purpose in helping us to diminish our attachment and supporting our healing, often times brings no comfort. Especially when you remember it as it was and not how you wish it to be. So this time, I am going to take Grandma’s advice. I am going to take this opportunity to bring the fullness of that moment in time, to empower this very moment in my life. Bringing with it all the love, joy, wisdom, and power that it brings to manifest and embellish the task at hand. Without all those pesky memories. Thanks Grandma.

6 Strategies to Put the Function Back in Dysfunction for the Holiday

Right now it is a uniquely emotional time for all of us in some way. The holidays can have their own difficulties attached so when you’re going to your dysfunctional family gathering, seeing those long lost friends, or are maybe spending this year alone. Here are a few little spiritual tidbits to chew on for the season. Now, hold on to your boot straps and go forth!

What You Put In, Is What You Get Out

Remember that the energy and thoughts you put into the season is exactly what you will take away from it. If you’ve decided to host this year and secretly feel like you always give too much; this doesn’t bode well for you. Consider writing down a positive affirmation;

“Giving brings me joy, and I am thankful to be surrounded by people to receive”.

Self Pity-Not Good

If you find yourself alone this year or aren’t interested in any of the invitations you’ve received, DON’T give in to self-pity. Remember, these days are what you make of them. Take this opportunity to reflect on what really brings you joy. Make a list of 10 of them, and then choose one to make happen. One of my favorite things is a sacred ritual. Something that you do to show your commitment and discipline towards what you want. There is an old Guatemalan ritual for traveling more in the New Year. Take a suitcase and walk around your block on the first of January. The size of the suitcase and the length of the walk is said to determine how much you will travel. At the end of the walk I was laughing so hard I didn’t care where I went, and I certainly no longer felt stuck. Incidentally, I did travel more that year.

Rome Wasn’t Built In a Day

Consider that you won’t be able to undo a life time of ancestral conflict over just one turkey, so let yourself off the hook just for this month. Save your deeply honest comments for another time and focus on kindness. Sometimes the kindest thing you can do is just say hello.

A Little Honey Goes a Long Way

Sit down 24 hours before your family gathering and write out three nice things about everyone attending. Even if all you can come up with is, “Aunt Agatha’s bellowing voice deserves to be on Broadway.” Now of course if you’ve got 100 people coming, just do this for the people who render the highest irritation quotient for you every year.

Moderation: All it’s Cracked Up To Be

Everything in moderation is the name of the game. Nothing adds insult to emotional injury like over indulging in liquor and food. If you drink too much you’ll say something you mean, and eating too much always precipitates rudeness.

Always Another Day To Talk Politics

Everyone knows it’s best not to discuss politics and religion, while trying to make new friends or keeping the peace, but if you know that Uncle Ben just lost his favorite dog, please don’t bring it up at the dinner table. Take him for a spin around the block after dinner or catch him on his way to the bathroom, and offer him your condolences in a swift and gentle manner. If he decides he is comfortable with a full conversation, he’ll let you know.

Ace in Your Pocket

Now here is the Ace in the hole; this is what you keep in your pocket and refer to when the going at the family gathering gets rough. This is meant to be used in extreme cases only, and is definitely not one size fits all. If you are showing up to the same dinner every year that your father gets drunk and tells you what a disappointment you are, be prepared this year. Bring one item of irreverence. To keep in your pocket, hide in your purse, or even put in your shoe; to remind you that the power a person or situation has over you is the power you give it. In this case I might get a small rock and write a note to wrap around it that says, “Those who live in glass houses should not cast the first stone.”One year I put a slice of bologna in my shoe, to remind me that nothing is really as it seems.

Most of all, take deep breathes, keep your humor, and tell yourself you are loved, peaceful, powerful, and gosh darn it…people like you, because you are and somewhere someone does. Happy Holidays!

The 8 Most Important Things to Consider this Memorial Day

I think that a person finally learns about living when they accept that the illusion of death is imminent.

I feel that those who have stared death in the face can finally embrace that life is eternal.
I want for everyone who fears dying to know that it’s okay, and it’s not what it seems.

I have gratitude for all who have faced the unimaginable on my behalf, and made courage out of sand.

I can do more everyday to be a peaceful person, and create a peaceful world.

I will face the darkest part of myself on the behalf of another, and turn my fear into liquid Gold.

I thank Love for always winning.

I am

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