Author Name: Tracee Dunblazier
Publish Date: March 28, 2016
Website Link: https://www.meetmindful.com/4-things-to-focus-on-to-be-a-good-lover/
We’d all like to be a good lover, but the task of deciding where to invest our energy can be overwhelming. Let’s start with these four (essential) things.
I asked my boyfriend, back in the early days, what makes a good lover. I was about nineteen and didn’t want to do things wrong. His response surprised me. He said if I wanted to be a good lover, I should want to have sex, that being with someone who actually wants sex changes the mental and emotional connection. Hmmm, that surprised me. I expected to hear that there was some sort of action or secret to being a good lover. Who would have thought it was so simple?
But then, I thought about it.
What is it that makes a person want to connect with another mentally and emotionally? Love. Really? Love makes you a better lover? It’s true that for many folks, sex is about power and control, but if you want to have really good sex? It’s about the expression of love.
So in the spirit of love, here are the four things to focus on to be a good lover.
Love Your Body:
One percent of Americans have Body Dysmorphic Disorder; the rest of us just have issues in our perception of ourselves based on varying circumstances and hormonal cycles.
Learning to love your body is a skill that takes work. The most loving thing you can do for your sexual partner is to be willing to work through any obstacles you have about the way you look and feel about yourself. Feeling comfortable with exactly how you are in this moment gives you a freedom in your loving sexual expression.
Love Your Heart:
Being open-hearted in our society is, for some, akin with being vulnerable to manipulation; but in fact, we’re only vulnerable to the information we don’t have or don’t want to have.
On the low end: Open heartedness is trusting yourself. On the high end: Open heartedness is bringing the experience of un-conditionality into your sexual experience. That means a complete openness to your partner and their needs in addition to the ability to know and express your needs to your partner.
Love Your Partner:
Loving your sexual partner doesn’t necessarily mean to be in love with them. It means you’re willing to be generous with your truth, honesty, and kindness and negotiate a relationship that works for both of you.
From a fully accountable position, we let people treat us how they do. Setting a boundary the first time a partner expresses a behavior that we’re not interested in is the key.
Rarely does bad behavior just present itself all at once. If it did, well that would be much easier to deal with. Un-loving behavior happens in increments over time. For example, it’s easy to allow yourself to be called a name in anger, because your partner had a bad day that had nothing to do with you. Ultimately, over time, you are teaching your partner that there are times when it’s okay to treat you badly. Just saying, “Hey, I know you’ve had a bad day, but don’t call me names. That’s unacceptable,” can change the course of your entire relationship.
Expressing a deliberate boundary in a peaceful voice is enough to change the direction positively, especially when you’re just getting to know someone.
Love the Experience:
Being present in your sexual relationship requires courage. When you’re present, you’re connected and open to receiving loving energy. As you know, a natural response to being uncomfortable is contraction-–to pull back emotionally or withhold sexual expression. Opening to someone’s loving energy expands and moves you on every level; spiritually, mentally, emotionally, and physically. Letting yourself receive your partner on all levels creates an unforgettable experience.
Of course, an article on loving and being a good lover has got to mention the most important aspect of love.
When you love yourself and meet your own needs, it allows you to show authentic interest in your partner; who they are, what they like, their needs, and your sexual expression with them. Loving someone else means truly loving yourself enough to have the space for another.
Cheers to love!
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About the Author:
Tracee Dunblazier Tracee Dunblazier, GC-C, CCDC, spiritual empath, shaman, educator, author and speaker is based in Los Angeles, California. Tracee specializes in grief counseling, energy dynamics, Shamanic healing, past life and soul recovery, transition strategy, addiction transformation, and space clearings. In 2015, Tracee founded GoTracee Publishing LLC and BeASlayer.com to publish a new hybrid of self-help, memoir, and spiritual book to access a wider audience of spiritual seekers. As a multi-sensitive, Tracee blends information that she receives intuitively with different modalities to create a unique healing plan for every client. Every session is focused on freeing the client from their presenting issue to release, empower, and heal – no matter what the condition. Tracee’s compassionate, humorous, down-to-earth style supports and empowers clients as tender topics are addressed during the session. An accomplished author, Tracee has written two books on the topic of personal soul excavation and deep healing from soul to body. Book one: The Demon Slayer’s handbook: A Practical Guide to Mastering Your Inner World addresses inner mental, emotional, and spiritual mastery through self-awareness and spirit guide communication. Book two: The Demon Slayer’s handbook: A Practical Guide to Self- Healing and Unconditional Love empowers cultural awareness and understanding through looking at the concept of past lives and soul imprints. Tracee’s published articles cover many subjects related to spirituality and relationships while her blog breaks down current events and daily energy dynamics that everyone experiences. Tracee’s been a guest on many prominent television and radio programs informing others about spirituality and sacred ritual practices. Tracee teaches workshops, webinars, and offers two online courses on the DailyOm.com. As well as speaking engagements touching on subjects like grief, death & dying, unconditional love, self- acceptance, and healing.
