Have you ever felt utterly helpless as you watch your evening go down in flames? Tracee Dunblazier has the simple answer to help you survive a bad date.
Going with the flow in any arena is a skill, but on a first date it’s a real temptation to hit the low road—to possibly be unkind, mean…or bail altogether.
(I mean…you don’t really know them, right?)
Well, I say challenge yourself to self-mastery. There are all sorts of reasons that a first date can go bad, if you let it.
The main reason?
The date or the person is not as you expected or maybe your new friend isn’t exactly how they presented themselves initially, especially if you met online.
Once, I met a really interesting guy online; we seemed to have a lot in common and I was really looking forward to our first lunch date.
When I arrived he was sitting at the bar, one beer in. I looked at him and knew it was the guy I’d been talking with on the phone, but he was definitely 20 years older than his picture. Seriously, 20 years!
He saw the surprised look on my face as I joined him at the bar and ordered a drink as he pounded back the second of three more beers. We chatted and laughed a bit about nothing in particular. I could tell he was embarrassed about having lied about his age and I didn’t blame him—the dating world can be unforgiving.
I did enjoy his company and was considering the possibility of remaining friends until he answered one of my favorite questions to ask: “What are the top three things you fear?”
And I was done.
As luck would have it, the restaurant didn’t serve a late lunch, so we said our goodbyes and I was on my way.
He really was a nice guy.
I am an optimist at heart and believe that almost any situation can be turned around from blah to fun by making just a few adjustments to your own thinking.
These are my recommendations of how to get through any first date.
Speak Up
If your date asks you what you’d like to do, speak up. Or at least be clear if they suggest something that you are definitely not interested in.
Starting out with a common goal or interest always makes any partnership more fun.
Ask Questions
In advance of the date, do a little homework.
Write down at least three things you’d like to know about your date—and even bring out the paper if things get a little slow…making sure to be prepared to answer the questions yourself.
If Your Date is a Total Snore
Focus on where you’re at or what you’re doing.
People watching can be a really fun activity to do over a cup of coffee.
I like to sit and make up stories about the people that I see. You can learn a lot about someone through the stories they tell.
Just in case of Flat Tire
If for some reason you end up with some sort of mishap during the date, consider yourself lucky. Witnessing how someone handles stress right off the bat is really good information for the future.
Be willing to sit back and witness the glory however, before making any commentary or taking any action.
Being saddled with double stress on a first date can put someone on edge, so take a few minutes to assess the situation before you make a joke or try to help.
Once you’re clear about what to do, jump in.
[NOTE: if you’re ready to give it a go with someone a little more “you”… and are ready for conscious, like-minded individuals you really want to meet, try MeetMindful for free today—the fastest growing dating site for conscious singles.]
Don’t Judge
Everybody has things that trigger their emotion; chances are, the first meeting can bring out a few of them.
You may want to reserve judgement until the second or third date before you count them out—nerves can easily make you talk too little or talk non-stop.
If you fit in either of these categories, remember to breathe and feel free to say you’re nervous. Sometimes just saying it out loud can put you at ease.
And, if all else fails, I’m going to give you my secret weapon: my all-time favorite “silly” joke.
“So this horse walks into the bar…and the bartender says, Why the long the long face?”
No matter what, it always gets at least a pity laugh.
Coming up with a secret weapon of your own and having it written on a piece of paper in your pocket or your purse will do wonders for your attitude no matter what happens on the date.
Maybe you’ll need it, maybe you won’t, but you’ll definitely be prepared to create a great first date.
[image: via shutterstock]
