I cannot stand liars and bullies. They are not always one in the same, well…a liar isn’t always a bully…but a bully is always a liar. If the bully isn’t lying to you, he is definitely lying to himself. Just for convenience I’ll be using the he pronoun, but women are definitely bullies too. I imagine if we could take a poll of bullies just to see the gender make up, women may just be in the lead. People have tried to bully me twice in my life, once in grade school and once in high school. Now, I have known a few people who were just bully by nature, they lacked emotional self control. But the ones that I am talking about went out of their way to try and physically intimidate, belittle, and humiliate me. What they got it return; well let’s just say they weren’t expecting it.
Forging a Friendship
Bonnie was the newest second grader to our school. She was a cute little auburn haired girl with a hook. Yes, that’s right, a prosthetic hand from 1974. I don’t know how many other schools she had already been to but I think there had been a few. So, I think she was pretty well used to being made fun of, and was fairly or unfairly abrasive because of it. I don’t remember every explicit detail from that time but I know that her first couple of weeks at school were rough and she was mean about it. I had tried to befriend her but to no avail. Until she cornered me in the girl’s bathroom, pinned me against the wall, and took her hook off and shoved her stump in my face. I think I cried from the shock, and when I told her that I was sorry she didn’t have a hand and asked her if she was okay, she cried. We were best friends after that.
Take Note
Christine on the other hand, her issues were a little less obvious. We both were in Mr. Miller’s 9th Grade Civics class. I sat directly in front of the pencil sharpener. Yes. That’s right, we still used pencils then. I loved a good sharp #2 pencil. Every day, Christine would arrive just in the nick of time. She sat somewhere across the room and would inevitably get up and walk over to the pencil sharpener, shove my chair, and call me a bitch under her breath. Every day. I didn’t get angry or start a fight or even tell the teacher. No, I was clear that waiting and watching until a time when she was vulnerable was the strategy. The day soon came when the bell to be in first period rang and Christine was running. Out of breath she makes it to the door and Mr. Miller said, “No, you can’t come in, go to the Tardy Control Center” (that’s the cafeteria). Ha, now I had her where I wanted her. We had a huge test coming up and we were finding out what was on it that day. Vulnerable. I sat and worked diligently on my notes all hour. Walking from class, there was this dark outdoor hallway with the door that lead to the other side of the school near the cafeteria. Yes, there she was… and as we crossed paths in that dark hallway, I gave her the second copy of the notes I had made for her in class. I simply said, “Here, this is what you missed in class today”. I walked away just as her jaw was dropping. Who’s the bully NOW, beeotch?! Seriously, I was slightly prideful that I won that round. Now, no great friendship came out of this but she stopped bullying me, gained some respect, and joined a few of the activities that I participated in; like the Freshman Forum.
Self Mastery
So if you haven’t figured out yet, bullies are insecure, self conscious, and seek to control what you know about them. By nature they are liars. They lie to themselves by thinking that no one sees what they are doing, and that their indulgence in taking power over those they bully, really is a profound sense of powerlessness in themselves and their lives. Self mastery is something that we really don’t value or teach in our culture, but make no mistake, it is the one thing that successful people have in common. Some form of self mastery. The good news is when you finally get some, it multiplies.
